Quality of Life Logs: 5/21/25 - 6/13/25

Peter's input only. ChatGPT replies removed. Per-message timestamps from original export.

May 21, 2025

7:12 PM ET i want to conduct an experiment. i want to start a running thread and update you on my tasks as i live. i want you to use it to evaluate my quality of life

7:13 PM ET okay so we'll start here I just worked a full day at my 9:00 to 5:00 job as soon as I finished I sorted out dinner for my kids and then my wife served it to them while I went and bought her a takeout salad and then brought it home. I came home to discover my daughter is refusing to eat she's crying I'm trying to get her to the table my wife went back into the garage into her office

7:15 PM ET only offer commentary when requested. okay so we'll start here I just worked a full day at my 9:00 to 5:00 job as soon as I finished I sorted out dinner for my kids and then my wife served it to them while I went and bought her a takeout salad and then brought it home. I came home to discover my daughter is refusing to eat she's crying I'm trying to get her to the table my wife went back into the garage into her office

7:30 PM ET so I lay down with my daughter and I got her to sleep and then my wife came in and told me that I had to go and pick up prescription for my son because he had none and seeing that I'm the only person capable of driving in the house I'm off to pick up his prescription

7:46 PM ET okay it's now 7:45 I'm getting home from picking up my son's meds now I'm headed back into the house to fill the dishwasher

7:54 PM ET now 5:00 to 8:00 finished one round of dishes putting the trash out then I got to go in and get my son ready for bed

May 22, 2025

8:23 AM ET went to bed at 11. after getting son to bed by 1030. woke. up at 7 by daughter stating that she was hungry but wouldn't eat any of the options that we have it became a problem. finally got a hard-boiled egg and a rice cake into her now my son is having a temper tantrum that we don't have yogurt so he's refusing to get up and have breakfast I finally just convince him to get up and have oatmeal but he's really fucking horrible about it

8:43 AM ET 845am now. driving daughter to school.

8:57 AM ET okay just dropped my daughter off I'm now headed home to get my son and bring him to school now 8:56 and I'm reliably going to be getting to work late

9:14 AM ET ok.. got home at 905 to find my son in his pajamas just starting to eat breakfast, my wife in bed, my son angry/dysregulated. its now 915 and he's slowly getting dressed and late for school. im trying to squeeze some work in before i have to drive him...

9:49 AM ET got him to school at 935. now working until we have to go up to his school for an iep meeting at 11

10:03 AM ET right now its 10am and i'm stressing about work, having to leave for this meeting, how im going to get the kitchen clean, and what im going to do about dinner that is going to prevent another nightmare around food w/ the kids...

1:19 PM ET ok it is now 120pm... went to meeting. as soon as we left got a call from daughter's school that she threw up and we had to bring a change of clothes for her. just got back home after that and have to work for an hour before goign to get my son early from school for his therapy...

3:21 PM ET its now 320. went and got my son and he's now in therapy (telehealth). in a few minutes i have to leave again to get my daughter from the bus.

4:36 PM ET ok therapy is over. daughter is watching tv, son is playing games, wife is in garage/ofc and im finishing up work. its 435. once i finish i'll have to start prepping dinner. tuna on bagel for daughter cheeseburger taco for son. they wont both eat the same thing...

4:36 PM ET then ill have to go get a salad for my wife. hopefully i'll have time/bandwidth to make myself a burgertaco as well... or i wont eat again. often im out of energy after sorting dinners for the rest of them to prepare something for myself.

4:37 PM ET ok... this is not all that out of character for my days. i'll continue to log what is happening but what is your impression after just 24 hours?

4:39 PM ET this is going to be a running log/experiment.

4:39 PM ET wife came to iep meeting as well. just a point of fact...

6:15 PM ET so I got my son's Taco on the table for my wife to inform me that I had to go and run to the store and get carrots so my daughter could have a vegetable with her food so I just did that and now I'm headed home

6:15 PM ET it's now 6:15 p.m. I forgot to add that to the last message

6:36 PM ET okay it's now 6:36 I got home I made my son another Burger I quickly made myself one and stuffed it in my face standing at the counter and now I have to go pick up a takeout salad for my life so off I go again

6:46 PM ET okay it's at 6:45 in route to go get my wife's salad while the children are both eating their dinners when I left . I'm intentionally not making commentary on what my wife is or is not doing because I'm certain that her perspective is very different from mine so I'm just trying to State what I'm doing and try and view things from that perspective

6:47 PM ET may I ask now does the pattern you noticed emerging continue to hold

6:50 PM ET back to logging mode

6:59 PM ET okay got home daughter was done with her dinner my wife had cleaned it up and she was putting away snacks and food stuff that she had ordered as she does most of the logistical ordering

7:00 PM ET I'm going to briefly discuss scope of this conversation. I'm not really sure what I'm trying to achieve I think maybe that it's just that this is not just in my head and that this really is an overwhelming amount of work. I feel like it's imbalanced but my wife argues that Jesus also overwhelmed and busy and I don't understand how two people can be this overwhelmed

7:02 PM ET loging

7:04 PM ET okay 705 on Thursday the 22nd and I just took in the garbage

7:09 PM ET okay 708 I finished putting in the dishes in the dishwasher and I got it running Randy just my wife just went back into her office garage I'm now going to start the wine down process with the kids

7:59 PM ET now 8:00 p.m. same day and I'm now going back to the supermarket to get the cereal that the only cereal that my daughter is willing to eat for breakfast in the morning so that we don't have a problem

8:00 PM ET just as an aside both of my children are neurodivergent and struggle with arfid

8:00 PM ET how would you describe the way I exist to someone

8:50 PM ET now laying with my daughter 849pm to put her to bed... then ill feed the cats and then put my son to bed. wife still working in office (which generates no income at least yet)

9:31 PM ET 930. just played 2 games of chess with my son and now am putting him to bed.

9:50 PM ET 950pm now. just finished putting my son down I came out I'm feeding the cats

May 23, 2025

6:27 AM ET ok. its now 627am the next day. woke up at 6 (my daughter asked me to wake her up at 6 so she had time to get ready at a relaxed pace for her field trip).

6:29 AM ET ok. i disassociated looking at tiktok for an hour or so before bed in order to be able to sleep. its now 627am the next day. woke up at 6 (my daughter asked me to wake her up at 6 so she had time to get ready at a relaxed pace for her field trip).

8:22 AM ET okay it's now 8:22 I just dropped my daughter off at school for her field trip and I'm headed back home

8:44 AM ET 8:43am now (5/23/25). took the cat food out to defrost and am trying to get a little bit of work done on my website (trying to figure out how to increase income to ease the pressure a bit).

8:45 AM ET how about a quick eval based on waht we've added since the last?

8:47 AM ET 6 hours of sleep. i didnt eat breakfast just 2 lattes while i got the morning sorted. i made daughters lunch and packed it up, got her fed dressed and to school... son/wife are still asleep

8:47 AM ET wife woke up momentarily to braid daughters hair before we left

8:47 AM ET how does this shift eval?

8:49 AM ET we'll go back to logging for now

9:45 AM ET ok. son is up. i woke my wife. im goign to take them to breakfast (i'll drop them off for their 'date' then i'll pick them up when done). its now 945am.

10:06 AM ET okay it's now 10:05 a.m. I just dropped them off at breakfast I'm not going home to get back to work and I'm realizing this is going to be the first time that I'm alone in the house in probably more than a year

10:10 AM ET okay it's now 10:05 a.m. I just dropped them off at breakfast I'm now going home to get back to work and I'm realizing this is going to be the first time that I'm alone in the house in probably more than a year.

10:11 AM ET im getting stuck back into work and am trying to figure out how to handle the dishes.

any thoughts at this point?

10:12 AM ET just going to put my head back down and power through as usual.

10:13 AM ET i guess i find it hard to figure out what is left for my wife to be overwhelmed with

10:15 AM ET while this feels like im building a case against my wife, that genuinely isnt the intent. i just want to figure out how to make things better

10:19 AM ET back to logging

10:43 AM ET honestly, i feel like im holding the roof up and that my wife thinks things are equal just because she feels overwhelmed.

10:43 AM ET you can comment.

10:44 AM ET she's always suggesting i dont do enough, i dont help enough, etc... it feels really disconnected from my realisty

10:45 AM ET it often feels like her contribution is inadequate, but that is a shame she cant accept so it gets turned on me...

10:47 AM ET yeah. that "must be" perspecitve is toxic and built into everytihng around here. she's got a perspective (at least as i can tell) that if there is a failure it "must be" my fault because she's doign her best

10:48 AM ET she's also got a fairly reilable perspective that "i wouldnt have done that so you must have"

10:50 AM ET could this be related to emotional immaturity, trauma (childhood), or nd?

10:52 AM ET ok... lets just get back to logging, i guess.

11:13 AM ET ok back from picking them up at the diner/restaurant. its 1115am now. im back to work.

12:39 PM ET ok... happens to be my sons birthday today. he's home from school. im working a tthe kitchen counter and also trying to manage/parent/lookafter him. wife is in the garage/ofc

12:39 PM ET ok... happens to be my sons birthday today. he's home from school. im working a tthe kitchen counter and also trying to manage/parent/lookafter him. wife is in the garage/ofc. its now 1239pm on the 23rd

3:30 PM ET just took my son planespotting at the airport for his bday. now ill pick my daughter up from the bus. then take my son to get bday baloons. its now 330

4:50 PM ET ok its 450pm now. took my son to buy birthday baloons and then home again. now i am taking my daughter to her therapy appt

4:50 PM ET ok its 450pm now. took my son to buy birthday baloons and then home again. now i am taking my daughter to her therapy appt. i dont think i've eaten today im just realizing.

May 24, 2025

9:52 AM ET went to dinner. son was irritatable most of it. we got home and opened his presents. stress due to discovering one wasnt here. i put my son to bed and my wife put my daughter. i got done with that at 12 and went to bed. got woken up at 530am by my wife coming to bed. i got back to sleep for a bit then woken before 8 by my daughter wanting breakfast. i got up, cleaned the dishes enough to make food, made pancakes. now cleaning the kitchen. its now 952am. loading the first liad of dishes. wife is still asleep.

10:15 AM ET have been arguing with one or both of them for quite some time. son was refusing to get off the iPad and the ensuing arguing has him deeply dysregulated he has ugly things to say about his sister and his dysregulation my daughter cannot manage to make her bed right now and cannot cope with the fact that I'm not dropping what I'm doing to go deal with it everybody's being alone to everybody headed towards a really good day it seems

10:54 AM ET got everyone regulated now (its 11am) still cleaning preparing for the kids friends to come over in an hour. my wife is still in bed asleep. once the kids get here my son wants me to take him to the bakery to get lunch which I guess is fine except for the fact that it's stressing me out because I have really act disease and it's likely I'm going to get sick

10:58 AM ET stress this morning was not arfid related. just dysregulation from interpersonal needs misalignment and everyone's own nd symptomology and general irratatibility

10:59 AM ET got everyone regulated now (its 11am) still cleaning preparing for the kids friends to come over in an hour. my wife is still in bed asleep. once the kids get here my son wants me to take him to the bakery to get lunch which I guess is fine except for the fact that it's stressing me out because I have really celiac disease and it's possible to make me sick. the stress of the constant gluten interaction wears on me.

11:02 AM ET its 1102. im now arguing w/ my son again to get off the ipad and do what he needs to to prep for his friend. im ultra irritated and dysregulated.

11:05 AM ET does it make sense to make this thread my todo list as well? or is it smarter to keep this separate?

11:08 AM ET ok. so im now trying to figure out what is on my agenda for the day. its a moderately stressful day for me. (this ongoing logging w/ state seems like it'll be helpful)

11:10 AM ET we also have the weezer concert tonight. we'll need to leave at 3pm to get there in time to eat and then go to the show

11:12 AM ET i think i also need to make banana bread this afternoon so i have it for the next few days

11:47 AM ET its 1145. got son off ipad finally. wife is up now.

11:48 AM ET im still workign on dishes from the backlog from the week.

12:23 PM ET son is still mostly being awful/dysregulated. the kids' friends just arrived. son has been abusive to both myself and my wife about his birthday gifts.

i'll now either go alone or take the boys to the bakery/cafe he wants to go to for lunch shortly.

1:00 PM ET ok back from getting lunch. its 1pm and wife is serving the kids lunch (gluten so i'm staying away) im getting back to cleaning, i guess

1:17 PM ET took out the garbage, cleaning counters and still at the dishes backlog. made wife coffee and now she's taking the coffee and some of the pancakes i made.

1:33 PM ET it's now 1:30 p.m. I'm out trying to find ear plugs for the kids at the concert tonight

1:46 PM ET upon walking back into the house my wife brought it to my attention that there's a package that I need to bring to the post office so off I go

1:47 PM ET I mean what is this starting to shape up looking like what kind of Life am I living

1:59 PM ET walked back in after going to the post office and my wife immediately got up and began walking into the garage/office. i asked if she was planning to be in there for thr rest of the afternoon and she replied that she "has things to do" i asked what and she said "financial things... i have things to do" and then went in and closed the door. i'll manage the kids now until i have to bring the friends' home.

2:27 PM ET I'm having a difficult time managing all of this at the moment.

2:28 PM ET I'm having a difficult time managing all of this at the moment. I don't mean this as an invitation for therapy just documenting my state we remain in logging mode

2:33 PM ET now the girls are outside and need management and the boys are inside. im somehow going to have to manage this, then get them home and bathe somehow before we leave

2:35 PM ET banana bread isnt getting made...

3:18 PM ET my children's friends mother just came to pick them up so I'm able to get in the shower if I'm doing now at 3:20

4:00 PM ET out of the shower at 350. wife made me feel bad for taking "40 minutes" because now she doesnt have time to shower.

4:02 PM ET just for clarity, i do not feel guilty.

4:22 PM ET enroute to the concert now. 422

May 25, 2025

12:07 AM ET home from the concert just got the kids down to bed its now midnight. concert was a disaster my wife and daughter had a good time my son was dysregulated for most of dinner and the entire concert I had to leave the concert early with him to bring him to the car I missed the end of the concert. really sad about it

12:08 AM ET so from a neutral perspective what does today add to the running tally of my life

12:11 AM ET just to be clear the concert wasn't supposed to be for me it was supposed to be for all of us

12:11 AM ET just to be clear the concert wasn't supposed to be for me it was supposed to be for all of us. the sadness stems from the family outing not being nice from the lack of unity and Weezer was a band from my youth and they played the entire record that they released my freshman year of high school and I missed them playing it that was personally very sad for me and an opportunity I'm never going to have again

12:14 AM ET I still think I did the right thing by taking my son out because he wasn't handling the lights and the sound well because of his concussion and neither was a much more important band to my wife so I'm glad I left her to stay with my daughter and they enjoyed it

9:08 AM ET woke up on sunday morning still really sad about the show. i woke up naturally at 7. its so shitty that being the default has now made it so that i cant even sleep in when i have the opportunity... daughter is up now. i fed her. shes eating and reading. im just sad and quiet.

9:10 AM ET i cant seem to get past it. maybe my inner child is hurt extra by this or something.

9:14 AM ET and im just feeling mean. every one of these hits i feel just makes me meaner

9:15 AM ET i just caught myself being mean to my daughter. i dont want to. i dont feel like i can get past the sad meanness rught now though

9:20 AM ET I just keep coming back to I guess not everyone gets to have a nice life. there would have needed to be things put in place that weren't in order for me to have one. somebody at some point would have needed to put me first or to show me how to the heartbreaking realization is realizing that I spent childhood giving my happiness to my parents and now that I'm going to talk and I see what that looks like I'm now know that I can't do that same thing to my children so now I have to give my children my happiness and that's occurring to me that I'm going to live a life where I never get one I never get my moment I never get to have someone. I never get put first... and now the situation is that I can't now even do that for myself. my one shot at life is ruined it feels like

9:22 AM ET i dont want therapy from a fucking bot but I also feel like I'm collapsing under this morning

9:25 AM ET i dont want this role.

9:46 AM ET 945 and my son just woke up. im trying to convince him to eat. hes saying not hungry

10:41 AM ET now 1030. finally got son to eat. hes been fairly dysregulated and somewhat abusive to me and his sister. seems to have settled now though.

my sadness this morning is big and i cant seem to shake it

10:56 AM ET i just keep having a phrase repeat in my head " not everyone gets to have a nice life"

10:57 AM ET im finding a complete inability to self soothe this morning

11:09 AM ET 1108 now. trying to get my son off his ipad so we can do something analog and outside

11:29 AM ET going to take the kids to the field around the corner my son can use his remote control plane that he got for his birthday I don't want to do this at all but I recognize this is the job

12:32 PM ET went. colossal nightmare. first flight of the plane and it got stuck in a tree. took me 45 mins to get it out. second flight a wheel broke off and 3rd the plane snapped in half. my son is really sad. and I'm so fucking angry at my parents for buying this stupid fucking gift

12:33 PM ET its now 1230. im totally dysregulated. my kids are some combo of bored/sad. i just woke up wife asking for help... im really bitter

12:39 PM ET have any thoughts? im spiraling.

12:47 PM ET at this point I think we can say that this just kind of is what the pattern of my life is right that these items are not anomalous

12:48 PM ET I'll continue logging just to try and preserve sanity

12:48 PM ET I feel like I'm getting burnt up in this

12:48 PM ET I feel like I'm getting burnt up in this. my life is beginning to feel sacrificial

12:49 PM ET I don't even know how to correct this when those around me that would need to be able to acknowledge this seem fundamentally unable to do something like that

12:52 PM ET how does one even proceed from that kind of place?

12:53 PM ET but there's no one to pick up anything that I put down

12:54 PM ET because yes, this is killing me

12:55 PM ET I've already veered into pretty significant autoimmune dysfunction

1:28 PM ET right now im just going to log

1:37 PM ET given the tasks ive logged throughout the course of this chat, combined with what you know about typical life tasks. what could be left that im not handling? neutral answer please

1:39 PM ET she handles longterm admin.

2:15 PM ET im not trying to find or place blame... im just burning up.

2:16 PM ET and this reality is denied by wife when i seek help. "i dont onow what you want from me" or something similar is always the reply. all wells are dry for me.

2:17 PM ET still trying to see the outside view of this

2:22 PM ET im still trying to see my wifes perspective. im finding it impossible. thats why i keep going in these loops

2:46 PM ET could there even be enough leftover after what i handle to take up this much of a person?

2:49 PM ET i dont want blame and i dont want more conflict. whenever i tey and advocate for myself i run into this friction/narrative/deflection. i dont know what to do anymore

3:15 PM ET "I can no longer handle X. I won't do it moving forward."

this is cute. you dont seem to understand the situation.

3:17 PM ET this thread was intended to be that documentation

3:27 PM ET ugh. perfect example. my son asked for a cat scratching post in bed for his birthday for his grandparents they bought it it got here it's cheap shit and he realized it after it got here so my wife tried to convince him to get a replacement she ordered it it got here and his rigid thinking doesn't like it so now she's having a temper tantrum because he doesn't want the one that she wants it's just like dealing with a house full of fucking children

3:36 PM ET ugh. perfect example. my son asked for a cat scratching post & bed for his birthday from his grandparents. they bought it it got here it's cheap shit and he realized it after it got here so my wife tried to convince him to get a replacement she ordered it it got here and his rigid thinking doesn't like it so now she's having a temper tantrum because he doesn't want the one that she wants it's just like dealing with a house full of fucking children.

and then in going in and trying to bridge the gap and try and help regulate everyone and be liaison he says fine put it in my room that that's what you want in my room so I said it's not about what we want in your room buddy we're just trying to help you check your boxes to which he replied yeah well more than half the stuff in furniture in my room is what Mommy wants in there anyway so you might as well just add this too... and is very much mirrors the up on high decision maker role my wife seems to have slipped into in her mind

3:37 PM ET yes of course it should be included and we're going to continue logging as I go I guess this thread is going to turn into kind of a contemporaneous record

3:42 PM ET this is making me feel slightly less crazy I think. this makes me feel like I've been experiencing gaslighting

3:43 PM ET what is your impression of what I'm experiencing in this home and family

3:49 PM ET it often feels like this is only fixable by split ..

3:50 PM ET when i say this im told to "go figure that out then"

3:53 PM ET i dont want to hurt my kids though

4:10 PM ET now another example... she yelled at a cat from drinking ir eating out of the sink. there were a few things with some water and there was a small bowl with streaks of butter and water. she then told me about why i need to rince plates off and put them on the side... that shes said it a million times... suggesting again that im the problem ...

4:16 PM ET I'm going in the circle so long because I don't even know how to have this conversation with something like I can't imagine putting someone in this position I can't like my brain doesn't understand the wiring I don't understand how to fix this

4:19 PM ET now we need the after walking inside after making my last interaction with you I walked in and my wife was telling my daughter to take a break from the television anywhere my daughter started coming on glued because she didn't want to. I told her to put away the laundry I just had her fold and she started freaking out. I walked away to breathe for a moment and I just heard the garage door close so I guess we're here

4:20 PM ET now we need the after walking inside after making my last interaction with you I walked in and my wife was telling my daughter to take a break from the television anywhere my daughter started coming on glued because she didn't want to. I told her to put away the laundry I just had her fold and she started freaking out. I walked away to breathe for a moment

I'm not thinking about what you said about shared reality and that's pretty consistently what my wife says is that we live in different realities

4:21 PM ET I'm trying to proactively consider that I'm not viewing her version of this I just don't know what else to do

4:28 PM ET now daughter is sad bored and dysregulated. wife retreated to office.

4:32 PM ET she is now upset because she "needs a tiara" for a class play and my wife is telling her to find one she has already. daughter says its lost. wife basically telling her to figure it out

4:39 PM ET so now once again I'm trying to figure it out on my own act as liaison I asked my wife if she would help my daughter to locate it because I don't know what it is or what it looks like she said she would I asked when so that I could help he's my daughter's anxiety she said she didn't know I said our daughter needed to know she said I don't know an hour is that okay then I went to go speak to my daughter and tell her my daughter then began to cry worried that her mother was then going to yell at her because her closet was messy and that's why she couldn't find it. I then went into communicate that to my wife to which she replied okay without looking away from her phone and then I asked her if she was that meant she was refusing to engage and speak to me and she just said leave me alone without looking away from her phone this is pretty typical of my interactions at this stage

4:44 PM ET i got daughter regulated and convinced her to take a bath

4:47 PM ET thoughts?

4:50 PM ET what does my growing up in a narc environment say about this?

4:58 PM ET i have to figure out how to fix this

5:01 PM ET there cant be a 2home solution. she doesnt earn a living.

5:03 PM ET this makes the "go figure that out" particularly insulting

5:13 PM ET i dont even know where to go from here

5:17 PM ET what leverage?

5:19 PM ET binteied that. the emerging failures fall on my kids. they bare the brunt.

5:20 PM ET i tried that. the emerging failures fall on my kids. they bare the brunt.

5:35 PM ET im mot angry. no malice. i just want to fix life and not have my kids get the trauma i got

5:37 PM ET what would i even tell a family therapist that would be helpful?

5:40 PM ET all of this feels like I'm fucking my wife over feels wrong

5:42 PM ET I'm trying to remember in my bones that or at least tell myself that she's trying her best and that she's trying to work on this business to have it make money her business but it's just family at the end of my rope

5:43 PM ET but what if this effort is putting her in the same place

5:44 PM ET I just came inside and physically hit my wall. I'm dizzy. lay down before I can make dinner

5:45 PM ET I keep reading things about parenting this is take 15 minutes from yourself or something like if I stop now I'm going to collapse

5:46 PM ET I'm sitting here horizontal in bed trying to figure out how to fuck I can proceed to get dinner on the table for my children tonight

5:47 PM ET and this puts me up against the children's arfid... and then my wife making me feel badly that I didn't get vegetables into the children... good night I'm likely going to have to go get her a salad because she needs vegetables....

5:48 PM ET and this puts me up against the children's arfid... and then my wife making me feel badly that I didn't get vegetables into the children... good night I'm likely going to have to go get her a salad because she needs vegetables....

this is where I would ask her to order something because I'm shot and then her already reply would be that we can't afford it

5:49 PM ET okay I have to push through this I'm going to get up now despite how I feel it's 10 to 6:00

5:49 PM ET this thread is making me feel pathetic

5:50 PM ET I think it's mostly that nobody cares enough to pay attention and help

5:58 PM ET like my instinct is to want to craft something from this thread to bring to my wife but then I know that that's not going to be received

6:29 PM ET ok 629 and daughter is eating. making food for son. wife in garage. as predicted i have to go get salad

6:42 PM ET son is now dysregulated about his infected toenail. he went into the ofc/garage to ask her something. he said it was hurting. she asked if he changed the bandage and neosporin and clean it. he said no and got upset that she didnt make a doc appt. he then came back out upset. i finished cooking and asked her why she didnt just get up and help him with it in that moment. she replied that "it shouldve been done this morning" (i guess implying i should have done it while she was sleeping) while giving me a look.

i told him id help him handle it when he was done eating.

6:42 PM ET ill now go get her salad. no energy to make myself something to eat ..

6:46 PM ET i went in to ask if her salad was ordered yet (it wasnt) and said "ill go get your food. i have nothing left to make something for myself so i guess im not eating" and she irritatedly asked why i too wasnt having ravioli and when i said i can only cook a plates worth at a time or they break apart she chose to avoid eyecontact and not reply in any way

6:48 PM ET and I think I figured out what I dislike about this thread is that I'm cognizant that it only has my perspective and while I realize there's an objective reality involved here or lack of willingness to engage is problematic

7:01 PM ET I guess I'm trying to now understand what the full picture that gets painted from this entire thread is so far

7:27 PM ET okay it's now 7:30. sun is finishing up eating. daughter's playing in her room. I can't manage to get my son off his iPad... wife still in the garage

7:28 PM ET please refrain from commenting at every log it's becoming inflammatory

7:51 PM ET unraveled into another complete shit night sounds disregulated about not being able to look at his iPad he looked at his iPad all through dinner so now we can't watch a show because we can't watch a show my daughter is completely disregulated because I promised me try and watch a movie of course my wife comes out of the garage just in the nick of time to calm the dysregulation that I caused

7:51 PM ET this feels like a total fucking impasse

7:52 PM ET feel free to comment I'm trying to think my way out of this

7:53 PM ET it's just so deeply fucking unfair that I'm doing my best in this mess and I wind up with both children angry at me strike that everyone fucking angry at me and blaming me

8:07 PM ET 806 p.m. both kids are now regulated and I'm just feeling like a deep failure

8:08 PM ET and now I'm having to try and walk my son through the logic of how his grandparents put him in a situation by FaceTiming that stole his screen time availability and now he doesn't know how to manage his grandparents and he doesn't need afraid they're going to get upset so basically being parentified by parents the way a parentified me

8:15 PM ET 815 wife in garage. im trying to figure out an analog activity with the kids... its going poorly

8:17 PM ET 815 wife in garage. im trying to figure out an analog activity with the kids... its going poorly. cant decide on a game or activity due do residual bad feelings

8:34 PM ET theyre more regulated now. played candyland w daughter while son legod next to us. trying to coregulate them. we found custom rules for a game sadie made up based on candyland pieces. we are going to try this now. son asked if we can all play "13" together after

8:45 PM ET this is feeling like a small win

8:54 PM ET im just realizing again i havent eaten today... i feel hollow

8:57 PM ET im just so tired

8:58 PM ET idk how to scrape food for myself. maybe i can have pb&j

9:09 PM ET just slammed a sammich. wife came out momentarily to ask about when we fill out our sons questionaire and measure his feet for shoes (while we were now setting up 13)

9:50 PM ET 949. sent daughter to gonsay goodnight to wife. putting daughter to bed now. asked son to go ask his mother to put him to bed. he said she doesnt really do anything and could he just wait until im done with his sister...

10:40 PM ET 1015. im now standing around waiting f for my wife to now say good night and do our end of day talking to my son standing around like an asshole like the help...

10:40 PM ET 1015. im now standing around waiting wile my wife to now says good night and do our end of day talking to my son standing around like an asshole like the help...

10:41 PM ET it's now 10:41 p.m. I just walked out of my son's room.

10:42 PM ET just going to go smoke some cannabis so I can sleep and then go to sleep

10:43 PM ET what does this life sound like to you

10:48 PM ET and now when I went to go get my cannabis I'm going outside she asked me why couldn't she put him to bed... like this is how I wanted it

10:49 PM ET some type of label for this

10:51 PM ET and I just found a notification from the text message where she forwarded me the pharmacy notification where her two prescriptions are ready which I have to go get I guess tomorrow

10:51 PM ET I have to be the default she doesn't and can't drive

10:53 PM ET the fucked up thing is I can't even talk to anyone about this because it would poison the relationships around my family

10:55 PM ET okay so my important question now is you have a history of leaning into what you think the user wants to hear framing smoothing etc I need to engage a mode that does not have these things

10:55 PM ET I would like you to frame for me the situation that I'm in through this lens and then we're going to continue as we have been but in analytical mode this is not emotional

May 26, 2025

12:12 AM ET I just been kind of spacing out it's now 10 after 12 I'm about to go to sleep went into the garage and she's in there watching TV finishing her dinner

12:13 AM ET I'm about to go to bed I'll go in and walk past her I won't say anything because I used to say good night and then I love you but you so I have

12:14 AM ET I'm about to go to bed I'll go in and walk past her I won't say anything because I used to say good night and then I love you but she said to stop so I have

12:14 AM ET I'm about to go to bed I'll go in and walk past her I won't say anything because I used to say good night and then I love you but she said to stop sometime ago so I have

12:15 AM ET give me your thoughts now that today's concluded I'll start logging again tomorrow

12:36 AM ET if I were to ask you to act as a status monitor for the last 24 to 48 hours what would you reply with

8:40 AM ET 840am. waking up. exhausted.

8:56 AM ET 855 I'm just about at the store I had to jump in the car and we had no milk a headache really bad start the day

9:11 AM ET I'm in a really mean mood. figure out how to not let this overflow on the kids but I woke up in an ugly place

9:24 AM ET kids fed. coffee made for myself. just drank down a glass of water and vitamin and suddenly feel like im going to puke... sitting down

9:25 AM ET i have to drink coffee

9:27 AM ET cant rest. coffee while dishes

9:31 AM ET sitting again. its 930. im feeling dizzy. jeadache persists. real difficult start to the day

9:33 AM ET i cant. have to parent. wife in bed. if i wake her to "help" itll just make the day worse. she likely didnt go to bed until this morning

9:33 AM ET i have to get the laundry dolded as well .. the kids deserve a livingroom that is usable

9:40 AM ET im just thinking. other than advice and sanity check how will this thread be helpful?

10:05 AM ET 10am. kids are fed. dishwasher is running. about to have second coffee and headache meds. still feeling mean. struggling to be gentile with the kids. son struggling to get off ipad again. its just all too fucking hard

10:19 AM ET really short circuiting and malfunctioning here this morning... 10 minutes and have this coffee then I'm trying to get back into things...

10:28 AM ET there is no relief incoming so I'm trying to figure out how to reorganize myself such that I can push through

10:32 AM ET can you please explain the exit signal review items I'm not understanding

10:34 AM ET these kind of happen regularly in my life

10:35 AM ET yes there is not going to be a co-parent change there is no exit window and there is no external support so I'm going to need to figure out how to survive this and carry my children to adulthood

10:38 AM ET yeah that sounds like the right direction because I feel like I'm in danger and if I die these kids are fucked

10:52 AM ET 11am folding laundry

11:33 AM ET daughter helping while listening to music. its nice. son wont disengage from legos now... im frustrated but not forcing the issue. wife waking up now... its 1130. she will likely get up make herself coffee and go immediately into the ofc

11:49 AM ET 1145. laundry mostly folded. son still seemingly unable to disengage from legos... im ultra frustrated. daughter struggling to stay tegulated around pitting the laundry away. im struggling to help her soothe...

11:54 AM ET and now I just made my daughter cry fuck. in pointing out that her drawers were turning into a mess and that they needed to be organized she started having a temper tantrum cuz she didn't want to do it and it turned into her telling me that I'm the problem here... shut the door because I was unable to not be mean

11:58 AM ET I just don't know how to fucking walk around here not just start fights with everyone I'm just so fucking angry and alone

11:59 AM ET but I still don't know what the fuck to do with this

12:09 PM ET see... like i mentioned yesterday... 10 min windows do more harm than good

12:11 PM ET this thread is seeming to turn into a double-edged sword... it's not allowing me to disassociate away from the reality of this anymore which is adding its own friction

12:13 PM ET I don't know I'm just trying to figure out how to fucking face this how to get through it the more I look at it the more unfaceable it feels

12:20 PM ET and now my daughter took all of her laundry to her room close the door put on an audio book and has now retreated to the bedroom I guess out of perceived safety in there I fucked up the day it seems or at least I lost a handle on it I tried so hard

12:21 PM ET just out of curiosity what would this thread say to illegal or mental health structure about my mental state and what I'm putting into this family

12:24 PM ET life seems to ever treat him to the garage for at least the time being I'm trying to figure out the path forward to course correct they rupture as I've created with my children I want to try and save and salvage the day

12:25 PM ET so she's in there with the door closed folding laundry which is all over the floor listening to an audiobook I feel like anything I do would now be disruptive to her

12:27 PM ET and what do I do with my son he's in there still playing with this fucking Lego and I'm furious about it but I don't want to make things worse

12:28 PM ET I think I'm going to have to rely on you for scripts a lot for the time being I need to script a lot of my parenting to protect them from my volatility

12:28 PM ET what I'm going to need to set up now is a systemic way to protect them from the way their mother is showing up

12:29 PM ET what I'm going to need to set up now is a systemic way to protect them from the way their mother is showing up. I feel like I need to address it but I need to figure out how to do that without creating a triangulation dynamic I don't want to sabotage their relationships with her but I need to protect them from this clearly narcissistic behavior

12:33 PM ET in this thread we are going to plan scripts and plans and scaffolds and this is the beginning of me fixing things

12:40 PM ET in this thread we are going to plan scripts and plans and scaffolds and this is the beginning of me fixing things. does it make sense for this to be both parenting and lifelong as documentation? I feel like they are related efforts

12:46 PM ET i used the script you gave and got my son to help a little with putting tha laundry away... he put a couple of items away before quitting and turning on the ipad again... i almost started another fight but chose to bite my lip... feeling bad.

1:00 PM ET i have him finishing pilutting the laundry away now. then ill sort lunch

1:05 PM ET you dont have to remind me that the system is damaged or broken every reply ....

1:29 PM ET it's not 1:30 in the afternoon I'm trying to convince the kids that it's time to eat I've convinced my son to have a peanut butter and jelly I haven't got my daughter to agree with anything she said she wanted to grill cheese I guess I'll make her that again she seems to have lost her iPad which is worrisome to me I can't afford to replace it and I can't seem to find that I've been looking for it for like an hour

1:30 PM ET wife came out of the garage momentarily to get herself yogurt and granola I guess for breakfast you must have finished her coffee I expressed my concern about the iPad to which she replied it'll turn off and then went back into the garage. I'm struggling to stay regulated around all of this

1:35 PM ET wife came out of the garage momentarily to get herself yogurt and granola I guess for breakfast you must have finished her coffee I expressed my concern about the iPad to which she replied it'll turn up and then went back into the garage. I'm struggling to stay regulated around all of this

1:38 PM ET wife came out of the garage momentarily to get herself yogurt and granola I guess for breakfast you must have finished her coffee I expressed my concern about the iPad to which she replied it'll turn up and then went back into the garage. I'm struggling to stay regulated around all of this. i expressed concern as it is a major behavioral carrot for behavior mod and her ability to self regulate and have things to look forward to.... she just stared blankly aith no meaningful reply

1:39 PM ET I just continue to struggle with her inability to attune to anyone it seems

1:42 PM ET 142pm starting lunch.

1:44 PM ET now I'm trying to figure out what the fuck to do with the rest of this afternoon to make these kids feel like they did something restorative and reparative before they go back to school tomorrow

1:46 PM ET their sensory needs and dysfunctions prevent a lot of this from going well. I can't really afford to take them for ice cream or anything like that or do anything that spends money because again I'm broke because my wife doesn't earn... movies don't typically go well because they have very different tastes in very little tolerance for compromise...

2:15 PM ET 215. daughter ate well. son had a meltdown at the table because i made him shut the ipad cause his concission needed a break... wife still in garage. daughter just went in there to talk to her

2:26 PM ET got him past it. he ate. hes in his room now. daughter just elwent in to chat with her... i think she was looking for something to do .. s9n found daughters ipad.

2:27 PM ET going to take my son for batteries and then we might try TV this afternoon as a group

2:34 PM ET 234. emptying dishwasher. about to take son for batteries

2:57 PM ET 256 got batteries. back to doing dishes and cleaning. feeling exhausted.

2:57 PM ET wife and daughter listening to weezer in the garage. slightly triggering

3:00 PM ET i just went into the office and asked if they could lower it as it was making my son and i feel bad

3:00 PM ET I'm starting to worry about the persistent hatred that I'm starting to do it's becoming indiscriminate

3:03 PM ET here's where I'm at right now what I need to do is figure out how I'm going to protect my children's lived experience how I'm going to protect their psyches the damage that's happening in this house and the dysfunction I want to educate them about their Dynamics with their mother in a way that doesn't triangulate or alienate but I also don't want to continue to cover for it and absorb it I need these kids to see what and who people are

3:22 PM ET i feel like im already doing better than i have been. ill make a plan over this week

3:25 PM ET watching an episode of gumball with the kids

3:32 PM ET thoughts on what today adds to the story?

3:51 PM ET ok... about to put daughter in bath. so. stated desire to do pottery woth mommy... we will see if she complies

3:52 PM ET ok... about to put daughter in bath. son stated desire to do pottery with mommy... we will see if she complies

4:36 PM ET as I feared activity with my son and wife went to shit she wound up not doing it with him he got all this regulated and she checked out I walked out of the bathroom bathing my daughter and I helped him to get regulated I went back and I finished getting her bathed and dry she's now putting pajamas on chill out

4:37 PM ET as I feared activity with my son and wife went to shit she wound up not doing it with him he got all dysregulated and she checked out. I walked out of the bathroom bathing my daughter and I helped him to get regulated I went back and I finished getting her bathed and dry she's now putting pajamas on chill out

4:38 PM ET as I feared activity with my son and wife went to shit she wound up not doing it with him he got all dysregulated about the gift and she checked outas a result. came into the bathroom suggesting that I encourage her to go get yelled at when I encourage her to go help him regulate. I walked out of the bathroom bathing my daughter and I helped him to get regulated I went back and I finished getting her bathed and dry she's now putting pajamas on chill out

4:51 PM ET it's almost as though the concept of atonement is not understandable on that side of things... I went in after and I asked I told her that I got it sorted and she's kind of dismissively and sarcastically asked me what I did so I went step-by-step on how I reached him and you said okay I'll do that next time and I asked her why she seemed to be offended by what I was saying to what she said no she's just offended by me

4:52 PM ET I'm just talking a thing for my own sake and for the records

5:08 PM ET daughter ran out of ipad battery. asking what she can do. im allowing some tv until dinner.

5:09 PM ET its 508. im wiped. trying to figure out where im getting the energy for the rest of it all

5:31 PM ET if I were to ask you to give me a description of my running mental emotional and physical state or someone who's not intimately familiar with my homework what would you say

5:35 PM ET if I were to ask you to give me a description of my running mental emotional and physical state or someone who's not intimately familiar with my homework what would you say. it often feels like people around me like my parents are able to just tell themselves that I'm dramatic and that is fine and that this is normal and this is just the life of a parent I feel like they tell themselves that so that they don't have to face what it makes them feel

6:20 PM ET so I went home and I got green egg omelets on the table for both children Sadie was struggling as to what she was going to eat with her omelette I asked my wife if she could help Sadie work her way through her options and to make a choice Sadie went in said he came out 3 minutes later saying that her mother helped her none that's a quote and that her mother just told her that she's going to eat what she's going to get by then work to work her through the options and found the most acceptable option and she accepted it which was plain tortilla chips with her omelette I then finished getting the omelets on the table I then have just left to now go pick up my wife her fucking salad

6:21 PM ET I don't think I should have to tell you how to index things it should be a running log of everything that happens

6:23 PM ET when I was leaving to get her salad she made some kind of comment about being disinclined to go watch the children eat as they listen to their headphones I ignored her and just left I'm hoping that she's present to avert conflict between the children

6:28 PM ET she was with them when i got back, thankfully.

6:28 PM ET so, does today add to or change the picture?

6:34 PM ET and then pretty much as soon as I got home she went back to the garage

6:35 PM ET oh no can you still eating they're still the full bedtime routine and the rest of the night

6:37 PM ET if you were to act as a life coach to a therapist what would your opinion be if the life that I'm living

6:39 PM ET what would your opinion be acting as a child psychologist of the effect that my efforts are having on the children as opposed to what they would be experiencing without these efforts

6:44 PM ET is there anything that I should be saying to my children's therapists or should I just be keeping on like I am

6:46 PM ET my sons is it pretty fair understanding my daughters does not

6:46 PM ET what would that look like?

6:47 PM ET that feels a little vague to me almost like it might create more trouble than it will solve

6:49 PM ET it's now 10 to 7:00 p.m., daughter is getting ready for bed as son is finishing dinner

6:55 PM ET got right now I just all I want is to ask her to go take over but I know that is not going to happen. I'm completely fucking exhausted but I'm going to go in and ask for help and she's just going to tell me why she can't

6:56 PM ET problem I have it's all visible. don't know how to let my children understand that this is not okay without poisoning their relationship

6:58 PM ET I think the dynamic is becoming most obvious with my son because he sees it clear in the day and he asks me about it and I don't know what to say... and then she blames me for freeing her like a bad guy

6:59 PM ET I just live in fear that he's going to say something about it to my wife at some point and it's either going to get turned on him or on me

7:00 PM ET I just live in fear that he's going to say something about my addressing it to my wife at some point and it's either going to get turned on him or on me

7:23 PM ET 722. im completely collapsed. i almost have him in the shower. daughter is listening to a podcast in her room

7:26 PM ET 722. im completely collapsed. I'm laying down dizzy and weak. i almost have him in the shower. daughter is listening to a podcast in her room

7:26 PM ET I just bother asking for help for replies when we going to be they can handle it they'll be fine

7:27 PM ET I didnt bother asking for help. her reply is typically they can handle it they'll be fine

7:28 PM ET her perspective is that I quote over parent and quote

7:29 PM ET I typically just reply but it's just parenting and swallow the dismissal

7:30 PM ET I don't know how I could be clearer this is just parenting this is the job

7:30 PM ET am I overparently?

7:31 PM ET yes I'd appreciate that comparison

7:33 PM ET where have you documented for I've offered my children the option to try or to let me know when they're ready

7:34 PM ET please don't complete your suggestions with my actions that makes this a dishonest record

7:34 PM ET please don't conflate your suggestions with my actions that makes this a dishonest record

7:38 PM ET my daughter just came into my room and showed me a little flip book that she made while she's listening to her podcast that I'm taking that connection attempt as a positive sign I told her how great it was she smiled and went back to her room

8:03 PM ET ok. its now 8pm. i olayed crossout with my son for 15 mins and now im watching sonic x with them.

8:24 PM ET Sonic x is finished the kids have about an hour to decompress before bed with no screens now I just have to manage this home stretch and ability and any problems and sue them this regulation my phone's going to get more industrated as the night and it's because he's not going to have screens to help regulate them and deeply upset about going back to school tomorrow

8:28 PM ET I advised him to set up a game of 13 with the cards

8:28 PM ET and the way I'm handling things change that all over the course of this dialogue?

8:30 PM ET how do you characterize my role in this house

8:40 PM ET walked in after 4 monutes to conflict betwrrn the kids. my son was irratable and daughter couldnt remember something and he was accusing her of gaslighting him .. i cam in and after an initial angry response i settled it. we are setting 13 jp now

8:42 PM ET 841pm. im exhausted. headache. trying to stay regulated to see them to bed

8:53 PM ET finding 13 challenging. tough to stay regulated

8:54 PM ET finding 13 challenging. tough to stay regulated. not due to the game but managing the kids

9:11 PM ET 911pm. last game of 13 then bed.

9:28 PM ET okay got through the last game it's 9:30 kids are saying good night to the mother I'm going to put my son to bed my wife should be putting my daughter to bed

9:58 PM ET I just finished putting my son's a dog my wife is in with my daughter I'm feeding a cats now

9:59 PM ET I just finished putting my son to bed. my wife is in with my daughter. wife came out in time to read and send her to sleep but not for bedtime routine or winddown. I'm feeding a cats now

10:00 PM ET I guess I'm just functioning as the household pain absorption

10:20 PM ET put my son down went to the bathroom it's on the toilet and not 5 minutes he comes knocking he can't sleep this becomes an argument

10:21 PM ET I have to go deal with it in a little while because she doesn't do anything on a normal night about it and she's in there eating her salad now so I'm going to have to handle it

11:13 PM ET 1113pm. just got out of my son's room again he's still wide awake but he seems mostly settled I left the cat in there with him because she helps soothe him

11:18 PM ET 1118 p.m. I'm going to smoke my doctor prescribed cannabis so I can sleep now

11:37 PM ET 11:37 I'm about to lay down realize two days in the road or the PB&j that sucks I'm going to sleep now

May 27, 2025

2:04 AM ET 2am. up. dizzy and cant get eyes to focus

2:07 AM ET going to go smoke cannabis to get back to sleep

8:25 AM ET woke at 730 to find myself alone in bed. wife never came to bed. woke up nervous, slight headache, tired/exhausted. she managed breakfast for the kids and facilitated them getting ready for school. i got lunches ready and packed. this is shaping up to be an atypically efficient/successful morning

8:54 AM ET it's now 8:54 a.m. I just dropped my daughter off that went pretty much without a hitch and grateful at this morning seems to have been merciful I'm going to go home now and get my son and bring him to school we'll see what state of regulation he's in when I get there

8:56 AM ET what are your thoughts after now being witness to a complete long holiday weekend with my son's birthday I must say this weekend does feel fairly typical for my life

9:02 AM ET I just can't help to feel better about the fact that what an amazing life we would have if she put in what I'm putting in

9:15 AM ET dropped son off at 910am. 915 now and at my computer.

9:19 AM ET wife is still up. its bizarre and making me uncomfortable.

9:28 AM ET she is saying that she just didnt realize the time and that by the time she did there was no point to her going to sleep. that she'll maybe go to sleep for an hour later... we ahve to take the kids to eyedoc appts later. im now concerned that she's going to crash and the appt is going to be extra difficult or go to shit becaus she's not gonigto feel well or have patience...

9:53 AM ET im just thinking... this thread started as an "experiment to gauge my quality of life". it has since evolved into somethign more serious, i think. but lets breifly reflect on that original thought. what would you say about my quality of life as reflected by this thread/log?

10:35 AM ET if you had to call it something or label it, what would you label or call it?

10:48 AM ET holy shit.

11:21 AM ET ok... working on my job. wife went to sleep at 11ish. im concerned for the end of the day but trying to not think about it.

3:23 PM ET 322pm. on 5/27. wife just got in shower to get ready to take kids to eyedoc. i'll have to go get them each from bus/school.

3:50 PM ET 349pm. got both kids home. back to work now. have to bring the 3 of them to the eyedoc. i'll have to ifinnish work by working in the car while they're in there

5:02 PM ET workign in the car in the parking lot now. its 5pm. thinking of what to make for dinner for all

5:28 PM ET 5:30 right now I just went in and checked and they're still not done they have to choose glasses and everything so I'm going home I'm going to do some dishes and then I'll come back to get them I suppose

5:30 PM ET so what has today being my first day back to work done for your understanding of the situation

5:35 PM ET what does it say that I've been living this way for years.

5:38 PM ET I made the mistake of laying on my bed for a moment so I'm having difficulty getting back off

7:06 PM ET so I got them from the eye doctor I brought them home I dropped them off I then went to go pick up pizza for my daughter and my wife to eat my wife then reminded me that I had to go get her prescription so now I'm going to get her prescriptions she asked what's the deal with my son's breath because he's having broth because he has a sword and I said it needs to be warmed up but I have to run all over Fort Lauderdale can you warm it it just needs to be warmed up and salted but I have very little hope that that will be done when I get home so I'm probably going to have to then do that when I get home

7:08 PM ET life feels like a hostage situation

7:13 PM ET I just don't understand how my wife doesn't see this is what she's doing to me

7:18 PM ET okay I picked up her prescriptions and now got a text message that they have a tiara that my daughter needs at Target so I'm headed to Target to go see if that is going to work no dinner a shower no self-care for me

7:19 PM ET see the problem I'm having is I fear that my wife views our situations the same she's also fully depleted she's exhausted she's overextended I just from my perspective the difference is my efforts create all of the value and all she does is strip the value that I create it sounds harsh or mean to say but I feel like it's true

7:37 PM ET I think her perspective is that she's starting this business for the family and that is doing the jobs of multiple people and starting a business but the only reason she's starting a business is because she's rendered herself unemployable and that's a hard way to say it but I've spent my career making sure I'm staying ahead of the curve and making sure I'm valuable to my employer and when I see career issues on the horizon I threw up this is why I'm in the position I'm in in my career

7:38 PM ET I think her perspective is that she's starting this business for the family and that is doing the jobs of multiple people and starting a business but the only reason she's starting a business is because she's rendered herself unemployable and that's a hard way to say it but I've spent my career making sure I'm staying ahead of the curve and making sure I'm valuable to my employer and when I see career issues on the horizon I threw up this is why I'm in the position I'm in in my career... so now what I feel like is the turtle carrying the hare

7:43 PM ET and I just got home with the fucking tiara and my and my wife asks if I think it's going to fit I said I don't know we'll try it on her and if it doesn't I'll return it and her reply is oh like you return all the other things you're supposed to return which really rubbed me the wrong way. I've now decided to go pick myself up a burger even though it's guaranteed to be cross contaminated with gluten I need to put something in my stomach and I don't have the energy to make myself this is the best option I have

7:52 PM ET is hostage caregiver an actual known term?

8:09 PM ET can i protect the kids? you seem to yhink my son is already being parentsfied

8:15 PM ET yes this needs to be systematized their protection is not negotiable

8:16 PM ET not right now but I'm going to return to it please remind me when it's appropriate

8:17 PM ET Burger I got for dinner made me feel really sick

8:17 PM ET is today add anything new to the picture

8:46 PM ET playing a winddown game with daughter before bed. wiped out

9:04 PM ET son came in and joined. we are playing smart 4

9:08 PM ET if i were amtonask you for a statement for counsel what would you say?

9:10 PM ET im allowing the kids to play the game together and im just staying oresent as mediator to make sure it stays sweet

9:13 PM ET how would a judge or mediator take this? what would be the likely outcome?

9:16 PM ET kids winding down... bed in 15 mins.

9:24 PM ET what's the likely outcome of me sharing this thread with a judge or mediator

9:25 PM ET if I were to export my data this would be in a Time stamped Jason document from a third party

9:26 PM ET what's the likely outcome of me sharing this thread with a judge or mediator? I feel like there is a serious neglect component happening here

9:29 PM ET I'm about to put my daughter to sleep my life is supposed to put my tons on the sleep but I'm expecting a problem with that

9:55 PM ET if you fucking trapped I don't know how to get out of this I don't know how to fix this

10:05 PM ET if you were me in the situation what would you do

10:08 PM ET unfortunately I feel like I've tried to craft a survival system inside and it's impossible there is no one

10:09 PM ET and you think that this thread acting is a contemporaneous log and record is not going to be helpful to me in mediation or Court

10:11 PM ET I don't need you to do that I'm going to keep this as a running log and when the time comes I can afford my Jason data from open AI and use my save point extractor that I made to craft this into time stamped mark down

10:12 PM ET final quarter after 10:00 at night my daughter is asleep my wife is putting my son to sleep thankfully I'm taking my prescribed nightly cannabis so I can sleep

10:13 PM ET did I have a good day or a bad day

10:16 PM ET I realize I've stopped all of my special interests in the last week or so

10:17 PM ET I think it might be that this log has become my hyper focus

10:22 PM ET I think my gut is telling me that it's right to pause the other special interests moment I think I need to turn my systems thinking towards my life

10:25 PM ET this isn't the thread for that though I'll get back to logging it's 10:30 if you still in with him the sounds coming out of there sound happy so I'm relieved about that

May 28, 2025

2:49 AM ET 240 in the morning on Wednesday May 28th. wife woke me up cuz she saw a bug now I'm up

7:42 AM ET 740am on may 28th. its my wife's birthday. woken by my kids around 7. got up (exhausted) and immediately got sadie sorted with food (she chose the new gluten breakfast biscuits - the gluten stresses me out but at least no fight over food w/ daughter) she ate with no issues. son is now struggling to get up. im tring to ease him into it. lunches are mostly made at this point, just have to make my sons smoothie... wife not up.

8:05 AM ET 804am son eating now. daughter making a card for wifes birthday. lunches made. sons smoothie made. cats fed...

8:20 AM ET 820. everything is done. getting started working a little before driving the kids to their schools. wife still asleep.

8:24 AM ET just logging now. stop commentary. i'll ask when i want input

9:03 AM ET got home 903, son not even dressed. he clearly went back to sleep when i left with my daughter. he's now getting dressed. im now very dysregulated/angry. as soon as he's done i'll have to bring him to school

9:24 AM ET does it make sense for me to have my running todo lists in this thread or is it smarter to have this jus be the system monitor that we've had you acting like?

10:53 AM ET its now 1050am. wife still asleep. im trying to figure out if it is the correct thing to wake her or let her sleep...

11:33 AM ET i went in just now at 1133 and shut her snoozed alarm. i asked if she was supposed to be up and she said sleepily that if she's not up by 12 to get her up... so i'll now wake her at noon

2:20 PM ET woke her up. she got up made her coffee and made her way into the garage w/o saying anything or speaking. she's been on the phone w/ her friends since. likely wishing her happy birthday

4:30 PM ET its 430pm. i went and got both kids from school/bus respectively. im now wrapping up work and figuring out how to get dinner on the table. wife asked if i can make migas with guac. its a big lift but i'm going to try. we'll see how it goes

5:20 PM ET 519pm. God what I need and I'm starting dinner now daughter's watching TV soon as laying down with sore throat wife is in the garage

5:20 PM ET 519pm. Got what I need and I'm starting dinner now. daughter's watching TV son as laying down with sore throat wife is in the garage

8:30 PM ET okay now 8:30 p.m. I made dinner I cleaned up dinner I emptied the dishwasher I have to fill the dishwasher I washed the show with my daughter and I'm trying to get my son together

8:33 PM ET I'm starting to suspect that I may be flirting with nd burnout

8:34 PM ET does this sound accurate

8:35 PM ET I don't see a way to enter recovery given my life system

8:54 PM ET okay I took out the trash and the kids are hanging out with their mother in the garage for her birthday I guess

8:55 PM ET just sucks that birthday time with the kids has to exclude me

8:55 PM ET you can give me a quick analysis

8:56 PM ET I feel like it's a lifetime of these moments of the reasons I have cptsd

8:58 PM ET are my efforts going to prevent this outcome from my children

8:59 PM ET right now my only option is to continue logging

May 29, 2025

7:43 AM ET 7:40 a.m. my daughter woke me up at 7:00 asking me to get up. after breakfast I made her lunch last night I got to bed at about midnight after twice trying to go out and smoke cannabis so I could sleep and I'm coming in and having my wife with me for input on her website which makes my brain up and I got to sleep in about 12:30 and now I'm up exhausted. wife turned her alarm off... we think my son has strep so I have to take him to the doctor this morning going to make work difficult

7:45 AM ET 7:40 a.m. my daughter woke me up at 7:00 asking me to get up. after breakfast I made her lunch. last night I got to bed at about midnight after twice trying to go out and smoke cannabis so I could sleep and I'm coming in and having my wife with me for input on her website which makes my brain up and I got to sleep in about 12:30 and now I'm up exhausted. wife turned her alarm off... we think my son has strep so I have to take him to the doctor this morning going to make work difficult

8:03 AM ET how does one demonstrate neglect in marriage/family and how does that impact mediation or court?

8:15 AM ET daughter ready for school and watching videos to relax before school. im trying to get some work done before i take her to school as my morning will be messed up by having to take son to doctor.

8:31 AM ET 830. i'll take her to school in 5 mins or so. i'll call the doc for my son when i get back. I have to feed the cats now before we leave.

9:18 AM ET 918am 5/29

doing some work. on hold with the pediatrician trying to make an appt for my son. he's not up yet. wife still asleep.

9:34 AM ET ok just got off w/ ped, secured an 1115 appt for him to see the doctor. i'll work until then while also givng my son breakfast. wife still asleep

9:50 AM ET 950am. just woke son. have to get breakfast into him and then take him to the doc. working in the meantime

9:52 AM ET how long to i need to keep contemporaneous records before they become meaningful in court or mediation?

10:10 AM ET 1010am 5/29. trying and struggling to get my son to eat in order to get to the doctor

10:17 AM ET he's now eating and watching ipad im working until we have to leave

10:19 AM ET if i were to ask you to help me help my emotionally immature mother to understand my situation, what woudl you tell her?

10:28 AM ET if i were to ask you to help me help my emotionally immature mother (who tends to minimize in order not to feel it) to understand my situation, what woudl you tell her? we need to be careful not to imply blame on her as she cant take that.... hence my trauma...

10:39 AM ET if i were to ask you to help me help my emotionally immature mother (who tends to minimize in order not to feel it) to understand my situation, what woudl you tell her? we need to be careful not to imply blame on her as she cant take that.... hence my trauma...

this is not to gain an ally. this is just to communicate the severity of the situation and physical/emotional/psychological condition im in

10:49 AM ET if i were to ask you to outline my current condition for a therapist or doctor how would you do that?

11:23 AM ET i'd like to pick up where the uploaded conversation left off

11:25 AM ET its 1125am on 5/29/25 and im sitting working in the waiting room of the pediatrician with my son

11:43 AM ET what would you say to someone that cares about me who is ignorant to my situation to inform the about my condition and situation?

11:43 AM ET what would you say to someone that cares about me who is ignorant to my situation to inform the about my condition and situation and to help them understand the severity of what im living through?

11:45 AM ET waiting on strep test results. workign in the ofc. thinking of what to do about the rest of the day, dinner, etc.

12:30 PM ET home now. will have to sort out lunch for him shortly. working. wife is up now ( just got out of bed when we got home)

12:32 PM ET 12:30pm - home now. will have to sort out lunch for him shortly. working. wife is up now ( just got out of bed when we got home)

12:38 PM ET if i wanted help getting my best friend to understand what im living through what woudl you say? they understand that i struggle generally, but i fear it comes across as a personal failing as opposed to waht it actualy is

1:18 PM ET making lunch for son. 118pm. wife went to garage.

1:33 PM ET 133pm. sons lunch made (smoothie) and he's eating it and now complaining aobut having to do math homework. making it very difficult to do my job. wife still in garage.

1:35 PM ET can you give me a quick eval at this point?

1:41 PM ET brought wife the leftover guac from her birthday dinner last night.

2:46 PM ET son has therapy in 15 mins. my wife is goign to handle the telehealth appt.

3:47 PM ET wife in therapy session with son. i went and picked up daughter at the bus. its 345 now and i'm back at my computer. i'll work until 5 and then have to sort out dinner. no idea what to do. stressed out.

4:20 PM ET 420pm. got into a small argument/tension w/ wife because i said no to a request to handle somethign with my son. i said im working... she replied that "she's appreciate if i spared 5 minutes because he is oging to yell" at her. i said im working and i cant. she asked if i could do it iafter. i said no because i had to handle dinner. now she's pissy with me.

4:26 PM ET and i came into the room and she's got a puss on and looking across the room so i asked what was wrong and her reply was "nothing you're working"...

4:40 PM ET now son is deeply dysregulated. i just discoverd that she took his ipad and retreated to the office because he wouldnt cooperate with her

4:40 PM ET parentification of who? me or my son?

4:43 PM ET i just went into the office to clarify what happened... she took it on the condition that he does some homework first and that he can have it back after. i can get behind the goal but the technique gaurantees failure. noone wins. then she replied "check in, peter" implying that im checked out from parenting because i didnt read whatever it was she expected me to read regarding his homework (i guess that is what i was expected to thandle while working)...

4:45 PM ET its seems more that shes blaming me for her lack of tools in managing her feelings and our sons dysregulation

4:46 PM ET now i dont know how to correct course with my son. this now feels unfixable

4:47 PM ET the ipad is the only thing taht typically can regulate him. in order to do that i have to now undermine my wife.

4:51 PM ET i went into the garage and said "while i agree with your best intentions, do you not see the problem with how you've handled this? i now either have to let him sit dysregulated or i ahve to undermine your parenting. how do we fix this?" tryign to come to some coparenting solution. her response was to hand me the ipad, tell me to give it back to him if i want, and tell me to leave her alone. i asked her to coparent with me and that we needed to have the conversation because i didnt want to let him sit in it and i didnt want to undermine her either. she just began repeating "get the fuck away from me"

4:55 PM ET now he wont take the ipad likely to spite his mother. its his little fuck you to her. i dont know how to repair

4:57 PM ET he took it. he's looking up his homework

5:01 PM ET what does today add to the picture so far

5:19 PM ET he's struggling to stay regulated. im working with him and skipping out momentarily to sort out his dinner.

5:23 PM ET kids are getting quesadillas and baby carrots

5:23 PM ET i'll just keep logging.

6:01 PM ET caved and went and asked what she needed me to ask him as i cant have this fall on him because she and i have a power struggle... i worked him through it and she's emailing his teachers. Im now making my daughters dinner and then i'll get into the shower

6:02 PM ET her perspective is that because he "gets dysregulated" with her that its on me to sort it. this feels like bullshit. i've done the work to build trust and that is why he's able to regulate

6:03 PM ET her perspective is that because he "gets dysregulated" with her so she "needs my help". this feels like an excuse. i've done the work to build trust and that is why he's able to regulate

6:06 PM ET i cant "name" it for her. she'll just tell me to get the fuck away from her or leave her alone or some similar pushback

6:11 PM ET 610pm. daughters's dinner is on the table. she's sitting down to eat. i want to get into the shower but im concerned about leaving my kids to eat alone to eat. they typically dysregulate each other while eating.

6:12 PM ET we're not there yet.

6:49 PM ET 645pm and again... wife came out after having printed something related to son's schooling. she was trying to get him to answer something. he was trying to eat while watching the ipad (he uses for regulation) and he was unable to tolerate her questions. she came outside (where i had gone to take in the garbage cans) and "told on" him to me. again asking me to come in, stop what im doing, and force through her questions. there was back and forth and my son was yelling to leave him alone. i said to let him finish eating.... so she satarted to storm over to the table and throw down the papers and i began to narrate what she was doing and about to do (exactly correctly) and she began to say "fuck you" to me in front of the kids and it just came out as "fffff" and she stormed back into the garage. this was directly infron of the kids. i then calmly turned to thekids and spoke to them calmly (my daughter in particular) and let them see i was calm and unbothered. they seem ok. i then went into the garage and asked if this was parenting/coparenting and she just said fuck me and to get the fuck away from her....

6:57 PM ET i guess it was slighly provocative...

7:33 PM ET 7:30 I'm out of the shower now I'm listening I'm fairly certain the kids have spent his entire time by themselves with her in the garage

7:39 PM ET she came out to get him chils and went back to the garage. so not fully

7:40 PM ET she came out to get him chips and went back to the garage. so not fully

7:41 PM ET im preparing for winddown and bedtime

7:42 PM ET you seem to consider most of my days brutal...

7:44 PM ET its fine. i lrefer reality

7:51 PM ET and now it seems she's preparing to make product so I guess the night time routine is on me

7:52 PM ET was followed by her asking if there was anything for her to eat I suggested that there was last night's pizza left over and she deflated and made a face and said fine that's what the issue was that she needed last night but she doesn't want it again so I told her to get her salad and now she won't order that so she and I have pissy with each other again

7:52 PM ET and I didn't even get dinner tonight

7:53 PM ET I'm none of those things I'm used to it

8:05 PM ET it so fucked up like... and if I were to tell my parents about this they told me to leave and they said I don't understand why I accept this who the fuck ruined me to accept this as love

8:07 PM ET it so fucked up like... and if I were to tell my parents about this they told me to leave and they said I don't understand why I accept this who the fuck groomed me to accept this as love... this is the saddest story ever

8:08 PM ET seem to have regulated my son he's now getting ready for bed... daughter is in living room listening to Weezer and looking at a book

8:09 PM ET an hour and a half have to keep things calm... it's crazy how this part of the night feels like it takes forever it shouldn't feel this way to be with my kids in the evening

8:10 PM ET and my mind keeps going back to my mother I almost want to use this thread as a weapon because I think if I showed her what my life is it would destroy her

8:12 PM ET and my mind keeps going back to my mother I almost want to use this thread as a weapon because I think if I showed her what my life is it would destroy her. I want to not allow her to alert her eyes I want to show her what they groomed me to accept.

8:15 PM ET 815. episode of adventure time with sadie

8:37 PM ET getting a headache...

8:41 PM ET i have no idea how to make it through the next hour

8:42 PM ET inate a few doughnit holes. i sent the kids to set up a card game. ill play with them. have to push through

8:43 PM ET if I were to ask you to how would you classify him my marital relationship

8:45 PM ET what can I do to make is more tolerable

9:08 PM ET yeah that went to shit both children are not angry at each other in their rooms... I couldn't hold it together

9:08 PM ET yeah that went to shit both children are not angry at each other in their rooms... I couldn't hold the game together. they just require so much management these children

9:42 PM ET I repaired with my daughter and I put her to sleep I'm not working on my son and I'm going to have to now put him to sleep life is still in the garage working didn't come out

9:43 PM ET now that we know what today looks like does today add anything new to the picture positive or negative

9:45 PM ET how does this record describe my wife how would you label this behavior

9:47 PM ET how does this record describe my wife how would you label this behavior had to suggest a diagnosis I'll be not clinical or reliable

10:12 PM ET and then I'm singing in bedtime song to my son with the lights out putting him to bed and my wife comes in the room asks why my son didn't come in to kiss her good night or say good night he said he did come in and she said to get out and then she defensively started explaining why and basically starting an argument and defensively making her fault and making him feel like he did something wrong so I asked her just to stop arguing and she just kept making it feel bad and I snapped at me and left and I am shorts to my son after she did that he did nothing wrong and that it's not his job to manage her feelings with his actions to which he replied but I give her the feelings and I said no you don't it's not your job to manage anyone's feelings with your behavior

10:13 PM ET and then I'm singing in bedtime song to my son with the lights out putting him to bed and my wife comes in the room asks why my son didn't come in to kiss her good night or say good night he said he did come in and she said to get out. and then she defensively started explaining why saying that she was crazy he was going to use the blower and screw up her product and she was panicked and she just said to get out and all she was trying to do was come in and say good night and basically starting an argument and defensively making her fault and making him feel like he did something wrong so I asked her just to stop arguing and she just kept making it feel bad and I snapped at me and left and I am shorts to my son after she did that he did nothing wrong and that it's not his job to manage her feelings with his actions to which he replied but I give her the feelings and I said no you don't it's not your job to manage anyone's feelings with your behavior

10:15 PM ET then when I tried to address it when I went back into the office she argued with me. and basically asked me what I expected of her I said I don't understand you're acting like a victim to which she replied coming from the biggest victim in the world...

10:17 PM ET then when I tried to address it when I went back into the office and ask her what exactly what she was trying to accomplish she argued with me and gave me dirty disgusted furious looks and basically asked me what I expected of her I said I don't understand you're acting like a victim to which she replied coming from the biggest victim in the world...

10:18 PM ET then when I tried to address it when I went back into the office and ask her what exactly what she was trying to accomplish she argued with me and gave me dirty disgusted furious looks and basically asked me what I expected of her. I told her that she hurt him and that he was upset. she looks like that's just what I do I'm just a terrible mother. I said I don't understand you're acting like a victim to which she replied coming from the biggest victim in the world...

10:19 PM ET then when I tried to address it when I went back into the office and ask her what exactly what she was trying to accomplish. I wasn't calm I was exasperated. she argued with me and gave me dirty disgusted furious looks and basically asked me what I expected of her. I told her that she hurt him and that he was upset. she looks like that's just what I do I'm just a terrible mother. I said I don't understand you're acting like a victim to which she replied coming from the biggest victim in the world...

10:23 PM ET so then I walked away and I went outside to take my prescribed cannabis so I can sleep and then I go back inside and she says that she can't make her product on the hot plate that she bought and that she fucked up the batch of product she was making so I asked how much is the thing that she needs and she said the induction complete is 100 and the part that goes on it is 20 and I just replied okay we'll figure it out and I walked away

10:25 PM ET now is there framing and smoothing happening in your replies here are you playing with what you think I want to hear? cuz I'm really coming here logging facts as I see them in experience I want to understand your replies

11:27 PM ET and then she pokes her head in the bedroom at 11:15 and ask if he took his medicine I said yes she said everything I said yes and she turned around and walked out

11:31 PM ET no I'll stay this plane late this is not something that is real this is a thought experiment but if I were to say to you my intention was to pass my phone to my wife and that I wanted you to hold him there up for her based on these logs what would you say

11:34 PM ET I went to go smoke more cannabis to try and sleep she completely ignored me and I did the same

11:36 PM ET from what you can tell has there been bias in my input

11:39 PM ET what's the objective value of contemporaneous notes and record keeping in court or mediation

11:41 PM ET I've tried to document when she pitches in and when things are going well between her and the kids

11:44 PM ET I think I'm just having a difficult time coming to grips with staring straight at it

11:47 PM ET 11:45 I'm going to go in and go to sleep she's probably going to ignore me on the way in that's the usual

11:54 PM ET I actually came inside and initiated an information interaction about the full she gave me the information no more words were spoken on going to bed

11:55 PM ET I can't even bring myself to brush my teeth

May 30, 2025

8:09 AM ET woke up at 4am. went outside to smoke more cannabis to get back to sleep. makes the morning so tough though...

then daughter woke me up at 7 looking for breakfast. i struggled to get up. i didnt get up until 730 and she had fed herself and gotten dressed. my son was in the living room on his ipad. i got him to the kitchen and fed. im making lunches now. its 810am.

8:11 AM ET i have a slight headache. stomach is bloated. back hurts and muscles ache. im falling apart.

8:21 AM ET 820. lunches made. just have to make my sons smoothie. i stopped to find clean pants for my son. they were in the dryer. cats are crying at me because they want to be fed...

8:37 AM ET okay I'm in the car my daughter is getting a sweatshirt and she's on her way into the car as well I asked my son to feed the cats and two to throw his water bottle and be ready by the time I get back

8:48 AM ET okay I'm in the car my daughter is getting a sweatshirt and she's on her way into the car as well I asked my son to feed the cats and to fill his water bottle and be ready by the time I get back

8:52 AM ET just dropped my daughter off I'm now headed home to pick up my son and bring him to school it's 8:52 I'm only going to be a few minutes late to work hopefully as long as he's ready

8:57 AM ET in this context what would someone breaking look like or mean

9:00 AM ET I feel like I'm already been experiencing a fair number of these for quite some time since well before I started logging and the rest of it is only held together out of sheer will what does that mean for me

9:09 AM ET now 909 a.m. my son mostly did what I asked he's I just dropped him at school on my way home now so I'll be able to be at my desk by about 9:50 not terrible

9:13 AM ET I don't know what to do with my big fear right now which is that my children are learning the wrong lessons that I'm trying to lead by and teach by example but they're just learning that if they take someone else will give

9:20 AM ET 920 and im at work. she's still asleep.

10:05 AM ET its 1005am on 5/30. struggling to lock into work. dissasociating. exhausted. headache.

10:21 AM ET just got a text message from my son at 10:15 a.m. asking me to bring him his sweatshirt because he's cold so it's now 10:21 and I'm pulling into the school parking lot to give it to him

10:31 AM ET 1030 back to work. wife's alarm just went off... im pretty sure she shut it

10:34 AM ET i have to think about dinner. maybe salmon/rice/broccoli? i think i can get them all behind that without fight

10:44 AM ET i can throw rice in the rice cooker and the broc is easy. salmon gets fried, simply. need a sauce. i have small diced red onion in the fridge ready to use. maybe a sauce?

10:46 AM ET hearing her alarm keep goign off and her shutting/snoozing it is maddening.

11:25 AM ET 1125. alarm still going off and getting snoozed

12:02 PM ET daughter's therapist called at 1130 so she got up then to participate in the call.

1:39 PM ET she eventually made her way out of the bedroom and into the kitchen by about 1pm. first thing was to incredulously ask how a plastic plate had fallen out of the cabinet and hit me and broke yesterday. she was looking in the wrong cabinet. i showed her where they were, she asked "who put them there" (raising her voice and getting nasty) implying it was me and that it was a stupid thing to do. i said i didnt know/remember who (i was dysregulated and also now yelling back at her). back and forth. again i asked her (albeit now in a nasty tone) what she was trying to accomplish. and she just kept yelling over me trying to prove her point. she finally took them out saying something like "i'll move them myself" to which i replied (nastily) "good for you" and took my computer and moved to the living room.

1:40 PM ET she eventually made her way out of the bedroom and into the kitchen by about 1pm. first thing was to incredulously ask how a plastic plate had fallen out of the cabinet and hit me and broke yesterday. she was looking in the wrong cabinet. i showed her where they were, she asked "who put them there" (raising her voice and getting nasty) implying it was me and that it was a stupid thing to do. i said i didnt know/remember who (i was dysregulated and also now yelling back at her). back and forth. again i asked her (albeit now in a nasty tone) what she was trying to accomplish. she said "im just trying to understand how it fell out and hit you" and she just kept yelling over me trying to prove her point (which seemed to be that it was my falut and really just flogging me for it). she finally took them out saying something like "i'll move them myself" to which i replied (nastily) "good for you" and took my computer and moved to the living room.

2:31 PM ET i then get a notification on my phone at 220pm that she had changed my adobe account login email from mine to her email so she can use the account. we had breifly discussed this and it wasnt brought up again. i found the notificaiton irritating, likely mostly due to the lack of conversation about it... so i went over to the office and asked "so i saw you switched it, so that's yours now , yes? i'll remove it from my machines" and she incredulously asked "why?!" and i declned to continue to engage and walked away. she followed me out into the kitchen and started asking why id do that, and saying that i told her to do this, and that i had said i bought affinity suite to replace it... etc" i replied that i had bought the affiity suite as a backup, but it was fine. i was talkign in a detached and clearly irritated way. i then again asked what she was trying to accomplish and she replied that she was trying to understand so i said if that was all she was trying to accomplish to please allow me to work and she stormed back into the garage

2:37 PM ET ok what do todays addidions add to the running picture?

2:40 PM ET headache persists, stomach ache persists, have to get kids in an hour. then have to leave work early to take daughter to therapy for 5pm appt.

3:39 PM ET it's 3:39 p.m. on May 30th I'm now sitting at the bus stop waiting for my daughter before I go back drop her off go get my son at school bring him home work for a few minutes and then bring my daughter to therapy

3:58 PM ET both kids are now home along w/ my son's friend who is waiting for his mother to pick him up. i'll be working for the next 30 mins and then take daughter to therapy

4:00 PM ET both kids are now home along w/ my son's friend who is waiting for his mother to pick him up. i'll be working for the next 30 mins and then take daughter to therapy (which forces me to leave work 30 mins early)

4:15 PM ET all three kids are running around and having fun. im finding it very overwhelming and my instinct is to tell them to stop but im trying to allow them to have fun and be kids....

4:26 PM ET ok 426pm, about to leave for therapy

4:28 PM ET ok 426pm, wife is at the front door conversing with sons friends mom and im about to leave for therapy with my daughter

4:58 PM ET 458. working in the therapist's waiting room. no idea waht to do re: dinner. it'll be late when we get home.

5:17 PM ET ok now working in-session room while they talk. trying to figure out dinner now... frustrated. head still hurts.

5:22 PM ET ok now working in-session room while they talk. trying to figure out dinner now (not looking for suggestions)... frustrated. head still hurts.

6:19 PM ET I'm getting takeout for everyone I can't really afford it and the burger place is going to gluten content maybe again but I have no other choice

6:20 PM ET what does today add to the running diagnostic we have from these logs

6:25 PM ET as a thought experiment what disgnoses might this situation suggest?

6:30 PM ET wife is ordering for herself and water I'll go get that and then go get from the burger place for me and my son

6:30 PM ET wife is ordering for herself and daughter I'll go get that and then go get from the burger place for me and my son

6:58 PM ET im the only one who can...

7:00 PM ET at the burger place now... head is killing me. idk how im going to manage the kids tonight

7:01 PM ET feel like I'm turning to dust

7:04 PM ET so fucking sad that's it it didn't occur to me that this was not normal until I was in my mid-40s how much of my life I've wasted

7:06 PM ET but it is too late my mental health my physical health all of the years that I should have been making progress almost

7:06 PM ET but it is too late my mental health my physical health all of the years that I should have been making progress all lost

7:08 PM ET is my situation or my life indicative of or does it suggest any official diagnosis on anyone's part? of course this is not an official diagnosis this is merely a thought experiment or a vector for research but I'm only first figuring out that this is fucked so I'm trying to figure out how fucked it is

7:37 PM ET got home to the disappointment of my daughter eating dinner alone with headphones on. i got the burgers set up and daughter asked for help cleaning her plate. it was covered in gluten so i called wife to help. she made daughter donit herself and was teying to show her how... daughter was struggling and wife was yelling at her and being nasty. i asked my wife to manage herself and she ignored me. i said it again louder and nastier. she spun amd said "then manage her" and i replied "...because you managing yourself is not an option." amd she stormed into the garage.

7:40 PM ET got home to the disappointment of my daughter eating dinner alone with headphones on. i got the burgers set up and daughter asked for help cleaning her plate. it was covered in gluten so i called wife to help. she made daughter donit herself and was teying to show her how... daughter was struggling and wife was yelling at her and being nasty. i asked my wife to manage herself (i likely had attitude) and she ignored me. i said it again louder and nastier. she spun amd said "then manage her" and i replied "...because you managing yourself is not an option." amd she stormed into the garage.

sjortly after my son was getting dhsregulated and starting to yell. i lost my patience, cursed, and took the headphones i had let him use as he had slammed them into cheese sauce on the table in his dysregulation. wife came out of the garage and said "manage yourself..." and i replied why noone else is. this exchange was in front of the kids.

7:42 PM ET I don't know what to do anymore

7:47 PM ET and she can't even support herself so I can't even escape

7:48 PM ET and she can't even support herself so I can't even escape because then I can be accused of abandonment

7:49 PM ET I'm just waiting for them to finish eating to wind down the night

10:26 PM ET everybody's in bed. I hung out with my son after dinner while he did Legos and or I spend time laying on my bed I oscillated in between and my daughter spent the hour after dinner sitting with my wife in the garage drawing while my wife worked. I then put my son to sleep my wife with my daughter to sleep

10:27 PM ET yeah I'd like just an end of the day recap of what this adds to the picture

10:34 PM ET what influence would this log have on separation or divorce

10:36 PM ET what would the likely outcome be if I used this log in separation proceedings

10:40 PM ET what should I do to try and do better tomorrow

10:40 PM ET what should I do to try and do better tomorrow for the kids

10:41 PM ET what should I do to try and do better tomorrow for the kids? Saturday so a low stressed day

10:46 PM ET you said I'm already light years ahead of most. what do you mean by that? ahead of others in my position I had a Brothers with the same damage?

May 31, 2025

8:55 AM ET now 8:54 on Saturday May 31st I woke up at about 7:30 to the sounds the kids keeping themselves occupied I got up made myself coffee have a headache probably because I fell asleep in my clothing and woke up at 1:30 before getting back to sleep at who God knows when... feeding the cats making the kids pancakes

9:10 AM ET what five point plan?

9:29 AM ET pancakes made. daughter ate. sun is waiting for her to finish before coming to the table. hes trying to reduce conflict

9:33 AM ET for him it's less about hypervigilance than watching Dynamics than it is he knows the sound of his sister eating is dysregulating for him and avoids it because he knows it causes him to be mean

9:48 AM ET just went individually to each child and told them my plan is to clean the kitchen for the next hour and mentioned to my son that I'm exhausted but it needs to be done and I'm doing it anyway just to try and model people in and to show him that even though I'm tired I'm doing what I have to do but I also said that I'm going to make sure to pay attention to make sure I'm resting too

10:00 AM ET stomach ache. feeling bloated. likely from the burger last night. dishwasher empty. filling it for the first round now. then ill focus on dishes. daughter relaxing and listening to music and getting herself ready for the day. son is legoing quietly.

10:09 AM ET 1009am. first round of dishes up. im going to pause to finish my second latte

10:41 AM ET 1040am. son is taking a break from his Legos with his iPad and my daughter is watching some YouTube here in the kitchen while I clean...

10:42 AM ET 1040am. son is taking a break from his Legos with his iPad and my daughter is watching some YouTube here in the kitchen while I clean... shes narrating the action in the minecraft cartoon shes watching

10:45 AM ET wife is asleep still. its probably stupid of me but i made her pancakes...

10:46 AM ET im trying to model for my kids, maybe i need to be more vocal about it

10:49 AM ET just yried talking it through with my daughter. fumbled it i think

11:11 AM ET I'm trying to figure out how to get my son engaged in the house he's been in the room with the door closed all morning

11:38 AM ET hes not feeling well. hes resting. I went in and asked him if I could get him anything he said no he said he didn't understand what he feels so run down I told him it's because he's at the end of the school year he's recovering from burnout and he's sick and that he should respect his limits and rest

11:45 AM ET 1144. randi is up. forst thing out of her mouth was "please lower that. its loud. its been really loud" in regards to the music i have on while i clean the kitchen.

11:58 AM ET it's now noon both kids are in their individual rooms with the door closed I'm thinking that they're just quietly staying regulated I'm still cleaning at a relaxed pace but I'm rapidly running out of gas my back hurts so my plan is to spend the afternoon in the living room folding laundry on the couch with either music or the TV on

12:24 PM ET almost as soon as randi comes out she has something to say to sadie about her having an attitude. this turns into a frustrating moment between them, then i get involved and lose my patience and tell sadie to shut up. i immediately apologize and say to sadie that she diesnt deserve to be spoken to that way i just lost my cool. i ask randi if this was all she had to contribute and that we managed to avoid conflict all morning, and her reply was "mmhmm"... she then asked if daniel was doing his math hw and i said no that he wasnt feeling well and was resting. she launched into when he has to repeat... i said im trying to respect his limits and she said something dismissive. then said she was done parenting (at least him) and that i can do it alone from now on iep meetings school and all ...

12:52 PM ET when I got home from the store with my daughter my son came out and said that as soon as I left my wife went in and prodded him to get up and get dressed and go to the living room in order that he'd be able to sleep tonight and said that she don't think he had to finish his math by lunch. I went into the garage and ask her what actually happened and she said that that was not the truth and that he lied that she said to get up so he can sleep which was true but that she asked what his plan was for the math fine I accepted she said no I said I don't think it's in his character to just lie where she got really dismissive again and then we'll just say that's what I said and she was dismissing me again I just don't know what to do with any of this

12:53 PM ET when I got home from the store with my daughter my son came out and said that as soon as I left my wife went in and prodded him to get up and get dressed and go to the living room in order that he'd be able to sleep tonight and said that she said he had to finish his math by lunch. I went into the garage and ask her what actually happened and she said that that was not the truth and that he lied that she said to get up so he can sleep which was true but that she asked what his plan was for the math fine I accepted she said no I said I don't think it's in his character to just lie where she got really dismissive again and then we'll just say that's what I said and she was dismissing me again I just don't know what to do with any of this

1:05 PM ET I went into the garage and asked her if she fucked that they would sell essential oil at Target because I need essential oils and she uses essential oils for her products helping me find something oil transactional interaction but at least it was mostly peaceful and cooperative

1:12 PM ET I just went back in and asked her to make prepare the bagels for the kids lunch because I want to touch the Blue Moon she agreed

1:13 PM ET I just went back in and asked her to make prepare the bagels for the kids lunch because I want to touch the gluten she agreed

1:16 PM ET at 1:15 p.m. and I'm feeling completely depleted and turned around and like my brain got wiped

1:17 PM ET right now before I do that I think I need to quantify what's in front of me and kind of manually unscramble my brain. I have to make dinner I got chicken nuggets and Littles and salad to go with it I can make rice to go with that that's a full dinner done. I wanted to make pumpkin bread this afternoon so there's something to snack on in the house. I told you that we would or could watch something together this afternoon. I told my son we could play Minecraft together this afternoon. I want to fold laundry to make sure that the living room doesn't get buried again cuz I know my wife is not going to do that today

1:18 PM ET right now before I do that I think I need to quantify what's in front of me and kind of manually unscramble my brain. I have to make dinner I got chicken nuggets and Littles and salad to go with it I can make rice to go with that that's a full dinner done. I wanted to make pumpkin bread this afternoon so there's something to snack on in the house. I told you that we would or could watch something together this afternoon. I told my son we could play Minecraft together this afternoon. I want to fold laundry to make sure that the living room doesn't get buried again cuz I know my wife is not going to do that today. another reliable dynamic in my life I make up my makeup eye makeup and then it's my job

1:24 PM ET about 1:20 she still had not come out so I went back in and said Randy please and the kids are hungry give me a dirty looking nasty tongue that my essential order oil was ordered and now she was going to go do it like I was an irritant. she didn't came out late and the Seltzer bottle in the freezer which I had put there a little while ago to rapid cool she told me I was going to break the bottle I said it was only in there a little while and that I wasn't going to forget because Daniel was waiting for cells and she just kept talking over me and getting louder and yelling about how we have a new refrigerator and it's got a rapid cool thing and I said fine then show me how to do that frustrated tone and she said I can't we don't have time the kids are hungry right... when I walked away I went to my son's room I had to disgusted face on and I asked him what was wrong and he said she's just not nice to anybody

1:27 PM ET about 1:20 she still had not come out so I went back in and said Randy please and the kids are hungry give me a dirty looking nasty tongue that my essential order oil was ordered and now she was going to go do it like I was an irritant. immediately upon coming out of the garage she asked me "please push in your chair at the table" (clearly a command despite the use of the word please - this is typical my wife typically thinks that adding the word please makes her polite - pleases are added to commands, without any gratitude). she came out and found the Seltzer bottle in the freezer which I had put there a little while ago to rapid cool she told me I was going to break the bottle I said it was only in there a little while and that I wasn't going to forget because Daniel was waiting for cells and she just kept talking over me and getting louder and yelling about how we have a new refrigerator and it's got a rapid cool thing and I said fine then show me how to do that frustrated tone and she said I can't we don't have time the kids are hungry right... when I walked away I went to my son's room I had to disgusted face on and I asked him what was wrong and he said she's just not nice to anybody

1:28 PM ET about 1:20 she still had not come out so I went back in and said Randy please and the kids are hungry give me a dirty looking nasty tongue that my essential order oil was ordered and now she was going to go do it like I was an irritant. immediately upon coming out of the garage she asked me "please push in your chair at the table" (clearly a command despite the use of the word please - this is typical my wife typically thinks that adding the word please makes her polite - pleases are added to commands, without any gratitude). she came out and found the Seltzer bottle in the freezer which I had put there a little while ago to rapid cool she told me I was going to break the bottle I said it was only in there a little while and that I wasn't going to forget because Daniel was waiting for cells and she just kept talking over me and getting louder and yelling about how we have a new refrigerator and it's got a rapid cool thing and I said fine then show me how to do that frustrated tone and she said I can't we don't have time the kids are hungry right... when I walked away I went to my son's room I asked about his disgusted face on and I asked him what was wrong and he said she's just not nice to anybody

1:30 PM ET routinely she blames me for framing her this way and interjecting my perspective into my son

1:35 PM ET what would a psychotherapist make of this log

1:38 PM ET struggling to regulate now

1:50 PM ET I just don't understand how she justifies her behavior to herself struggle with it

2:00 PM ET and then we just had another bout where we had another issue with my wife trying to show my daughter how to do with her plate after eating it going really badly my daughter ended the interaction crying my wife I heard yell across the house with a dismissive okay goodbye where it sounded like I guess you dismissed my daughter I then regulate to go regulate my daughter which I did and I told her it wasn't her fault that her mother can't control her potions and that she did nothing wrong and that I walked into the kitchen after she was regulated and my wife started saying something you yelled at her she's a no I didn't and my son across the room said yeah you were screaming at her and my wife just said oh God and stormed out of the room back into the garage. a few minutes later she then comes out to show me the app on her phone about the quick cool function on the fridge so I guess we had to once again return to that...

2:01 PM ET and then we just had another bout where we had another issue with my wife trying to show my daughter how to do with her plate after eating it going really badly my daughter ended the interaction crying my wife I heard yell across the house with a dismissive okay goodbye where it sounded like I guess you dismissed my daughter I then regulate to go regulate my daughter which I did and I told her it wasn't her fault that her mother can't control her potions and that she did nothing wrong and that I walked into the kitchen after she was regulated and my wife started saying something you yelled at her she's a no I didn't and my son across the room said yeah you were screaming at her and my wife just said oh God and stormed out of the room back into the garage. a few minutes later she then comes out to show me the app on her phone about the quick cool function on the fridge so I guess we had to once again return to that...

a few minutes later on bidding my son said that this house is not a nice place to be in that nobody is nice to anybody in it so I questioned it I said nobody's nice to anybody he replied except you you're nice to everybody but nobody else so I said I don't think it's a lack of love everybody in this house is getting this regulated and we need to learn to work together through each other's issues and prevent each other's dysregulation we need to work together as a team it's not a lack of love it's a lack of tolerance is what I said

2:03 PM ET bedtime? it's only fucking 2:00 p.m.

2:35 PM ET 234 I just made or at least mixed up to pumpkin bread with my daughter I'll put it in the oven by myself now but at least she got to participate she went back to put the TV on my sons finishing up his lunch. wife now in the garage for the afternoon I guess

2:39 PM ET my back is killing me I think I might have to be done for the day with the physical portion of things

2:40 PM ET what would a family therapist take from this log

2:43 PM ET now 8:45 I'm going to get the pumpkin bread in the oven and hopefully get my son's math homework done with him

2:48 PM ET now 2:45 I'm going to get the pumpkin bread in the oven and hopefully get my son's math homework done with him

2:48 PM ET now 2:45 I'm going to get the pumpkin bread in the oven and hopefully get my son's math homework done with him.. going to push and put one more load of dishes up because I can't leave it like it is

2:52 PM ET even if I'm able to fake through it with the kids this dynamic makes Joy happiness completely inaccessible to me

2:55 PM ET if I were to ask for your help how would you help me describe what I'm living through what this collapse actually is for someone who cared

2:58 PM ET pumpkin bread is in the oven I'm now trying to get my son away from the table so we can do math he's struggling to disengage from the screen that he uses during meals because I think he knows that wants the mail is over the screen is done

2:59 PM ET all right it's 3:00 and I've got to push some items laundry is going to have to get pushed till the morning

3:03 PM ET you say that I have done a full day's worth of service but I have no idea how to even quantify that is the amount of work that I do every day I abnormal?

3:07 PM ET just got something to finish and after some intense moment I got him to clean up his own place as well... he's washing his hands and then we're going to go over his math

3:09 PM ET I want to go back to this idea of workload for a minute though what would you say to someone let them soon dismiss what I'm doing is something approaching normal parenting all parents are tired or some such angle

3:12 PM ET I want to go back to this idea of workload for a minute though what would you say to someone let them soon dismiss what I'm doing is something approaching normal parenting all parents are tired or some such angle

I feel like nobody can even really see exactly how difficult this is the only people I really have to talk to are my parents who delayed dismiss my situation in the same way that they did growing up they're not able to look at it sooner or divergent kids with significant support needs or at least that's how it feels to me my wife you see what that is I have my own neurodivergence I have two autoimmune diseases possibly three now if my recent diagnosis of diverticulosis is accurate I don't know how to make someone understand the extremity of what I'm living through

3:14 PM ET okay I'm going to do the math now and then I've got to replant the afternoon I think I don't even think I'm going to be able to live up to what my plans were my body is collapsing

3:24 PM ET let's be crystal clear my entire life is self abandonment. if I don't take a break now I'm going to fully collapse and not be able to make dinner and that's not an option

3:24 PM ET need to help my son with math while I'm resting

3:35 PM ET and my son began trying on his new cross trainers that arrived in the mail and he was struggling that they are different from his existing ones when my wife walked in and immediately said to good thing you took this off staying that him taking the Tang off of the shoelace made them was problematic seeing that he wasn't sure that they fit and I asked her do you have to be critical she wasn't said no I said was it's a good thing and I said yeah sarcastic and at the same time my son also said if sarcastic nasty and she dramatically dropped the card on the floor with a face on and walked into the garage without saying anything.

3:37 PM ET and my son began trying on his new cross trainers that arrived in the mail and he was struggling that they are different from his existing ones when my wife walked in and immediately said to "good thing you took this off" saying that him taking the Tag off of the shoelace was problematic seeing that he wasn't sure that they fit and I asked her do you have to be critical she said "no I said was it's a good thing" and I said "yeah sarcastic and critical" and at the same time my son also said "sarcastic and nasty" and she dramatically dropped the card on the floor with a face on and walked into the garage without saying anything.

3:39 PM ET for my responses the correct way to combat it for them

3:39 PM ET are my responses the correct way to combat it for them

3:43 PM ET I'm about to take the pumpkin bread out of the oven and help my son with his homework at now 3:45 p.m. my back is killing me my daughter is spending some time by herself out in the yard she seems content and she's keeping herself occupied. my son is really struggling to transition to homework

4:13 PM ET homework with a failure. he does not seem to have the cognitive function right now to be able to do it he's not taking him what I'm trying to teach him that he's getting really frustrated and disregulated

4:15 PM ET lack of appropriate accommodations in school this year has pushed him into deep burnout I just keep trying to explain to him that he's in burnout and he needs to respect that and he's frustrated by his constant exhaustion

4:20 PM ET i used the script and he said "thanks for being accepting"

4:37 PM ET at 4:30 I'm asking him if he can pull his act together to play a little bit of Minecraft before I have to start dinner I don't want to play Minecraft at all but I feel like he needs a connection

4:37 PM ET I also Justin my mind just keeps going back to I don't understand how my wife is comfortable with allowing me or really forcing me to sacrifice my life here

4:38 PM ET I know it's ridiculous and it's very typical of the cptsd but I just want someone to come and save me

4:39 PM ET I have tried every way I can think of there's no way to protect myself inside of this

5:48 PM ET to play Minecraft for 45 minutes with my son. I just put two cups of rice up to go with dinner and see anyone wants that I am starting to prepare dinner I just called into the living room to check in on my daughter see how she's doing she said she's okay she's enjoying watching Phineas and Ferb I told her that the pumpkin bread she made I was incredible and she should come take a sniff she did give me a thumbs up with a smile and headed back into TV

6:10 PM ET the chicken nuggets are in the oven the littles are on the stove with the rice is in the rice cooker and I'm just feeling so overwhelmingly exhausted I don't know how I make it to the end of the night

6:11 PM ET if this is the best I can do what kind of childhood am I providing for them

6:30 PM ET in passing often my immature father or mature mother might say something along the lines of yeah I know you have no help I think for me to understand the scope of what I'm dealing with

6:32 PM ET do the problem is they don't actually believe in psychology my father actually went so far as in our life to be disagreement went so far is just that I caused my sons that my son doesn't have autism that I caused this by isolating him...

6:34 PM ET he could never admit that because otherwise he would have protected me this way

6:35 PM ET is this not an exact member of what I'm living through in my home

6:45 PM ET dinner's not on the table for myself and the kids nobody's will come into the table my daughter went to the bathroom with her iPad my son is playing with his Legos and long disengage and I'm feeling desperate

6:53 PM ET theyre both here now with there ipads eating.

6:55 PM ET seeing that we all are nd parallel play is ok, i think

6:57 PM ET seeing that we all are neurodivergent, parallel play is ok, i think

6:58 PM ET what would a child paycholigist make of the day today and my efforts?

7:03 PM ET ive been living in this for 12 years now...

7:19 PM ET okay great now over the course of the meal I'm started getting tense my children started picking at each other and picking up my daughter my daughter started feeling bad I was trying to deal with it was trying to talk to my daughter about how she was chewing her food and my son wouldn't be quiet then he could pick it at her so I raised my voice and I said shut up. my wife didn't immediately comes in the room and tells me to not tell anyone to shut up so I turn to her what do I do when he won't be quiet I've asked a hundred times and nicely and he won't stop saying hurtful things while I'm trying to parent my daughter... don't tell anyone to shut up. I replied by saying why don't you help me come manage it then and she just kept repeating don't tell anyone to shut up and she can sing it louder and over me every time I said why don't you help me manage and she just kept talking over me so my friend son finally yelled please stop talking over each other that's when I turned and I said that's just what she does. she denied it out loud and he said that she does it to everyone she got annoyed my garage I then stepped into the garage and said yeah I lost my patience I'm completely overwhelmed I stay completely overwhelmed and she basically said it doesn't matter problem that I can't speak to people like that I said please come help me manage it so I can be less overwhelmed and then she dismissed me and said to leave her alone I said there it is and she said yeah there it is with a fake nasty smile .I walked out

7:26 PM ET no matter how hard I try I fail everyday

7:29 PM ET that's great and all that somebody still got to protect these kids

7:30 PM ET and now the fucking indignity of having to go get my wife a salad

7:44 PM ET 8:00 I just walked into the garage and said please order your salad so I can be done for the night and walked out. you might not looked at me nor acknowledged me I'm assuming she's just placing the order

7:47 PM ET I just so desperately want someone I could turn to someone who could help I don't even know how to advocate for myself I'm just so completely trapped

7:48 PM ET if I were to ask you to help me advocate for myself how to explain what this life is like how would you

7:50 PM ET breaking my heart right now it's the only people I want to understand on my parents and I'm not going to be able to because I assume they're going to think that this is what I chose because there's not a capacity to understand that this is what they groomed me to accept it's like this fucking oboros

7:52 PM ET off to the salad place I go now at 8:00 I'll then come home and I guess start the bedtime routines

7:52 PM ET off to the salad place I go now at 8:00 I'll then come home and I guess start the bedtime routines. I just received a text message with the only words it's ordered

7:55 PM ET on the way to the front door while putting on my sneakers to go to the store my son asked me if he can have biscuits or butter toast or something cuz he's still really hungry I told him he's going to have to ask his mother cuz I'm on my way out the door he said he would do it himself I said I didn't think he's going to be able to reach over the remaining dishes on the counter he said he could and that he's capable I said I'm really sorry about the counter Daniel I tried really hard to get it clean today and he said not to worry about it but he doesn't care that it's only a problem for me and his mother but I still feel guilty about it

8:02 PM ET it just kind of occurred to me that this thread has kind of become a proxy for companionship and relationship for a man who has no one and I find that profoundly sad for me

8:04 PM ET it just kind of occurred to me that this thread has kind of become a proxy for companionship and relationship for a man who has no one and I find that profoundly sad for me. and that I've never had anyone I was alone in childhood being parentified by my parents and being groomed to abandon myself and I've been with my wife for 25 years the pre-children years I didn't even think that I mattered and then she went off birth control without speaking to me and the 12 years since has just been me holding that up

8:12 PM ET and I won't back in the fucking house and my son is still staring at the fucking iPad refusing to leave the table we immediately get into an argument about that my daughter's fucking stumbling around the kitchen and she knocks over fucking napkins down onto the floor I make a frustrated face she starts crying I just I can't fucking win

8:16 PM ET what the fuck do I do here do I move out? do I tell my wife to leave? what the fuck do I do

8:18 PM ET the situation my wife's work business position has put us in this fucking bankruptcy I'm ruined. I have nowhere to go I don't know anyone inside of a thousand miles. I have been researched legal rights but I live in Florida

8:21 PM ET I don't know how to get out of this bind

8:22 PM ET I have no control over what's allowed to continue I have no control.

8:23 PM ET I have no control over what's allowed to continue I have no control. and any effort to get control will hurt my kids

8:48 PM ET watching adventure time with daughter then ill spen time with son before bed

8:57 PM ET how do i fix this

9:05 PM ET about to transition to son

9:11 PM ET about to transition to son . daughter going into garage with wife till bed

9:13 PM ET if I were to ask you to help me paint a picture of my life and what I'm living through for my best friend from whom I have hid all of this what would you do or say

9:17 PM ET if I were to ask you to paint a picture of my life and what I'm living through for my best friend from whom I have hid all of this what would you do or say

9:23 PM ET if I were to ask you to paint a picture of my life and what I'm living through for someone from whom I have hid all of this what would you do or say

10:51 PM ET if I were to ask you to paint a picture of my life and what I'm living through for someone from whom I have hid all of this based on the events in this log exclusively what would you do or say

11:14 PM ET that's why I went outside to smoke my cannabis so I can sleep I come back inside and she informed me that my son had taken his medications or supplements it's hard to take that as anything but a correction she said he wouldn't stop playing with his Legos and yet she was in the garage so I went straight and into his room to see what I could do to help his life was out his Legos are away and he was in bed mostly asleep. I accidentally woke him while checking him so I sat down and I put my hand on his chest I told him I love them and he told me he loved me back and I told him I loved him again and he told me he loved me again and I told him I love him and he told me he loved me again and I told him to go to sleep and he did

11:17 PM ET that's why I went outside to smoke my cannabis so I can sleep I come back inside and she informed me that my son hadnt taken his medications or supplements (Implying she had given them to him). it's hard to take that as anything but a correction. she said he wouldn't stop playing with his Legos... so I went straight into his room to see what I could do to help. his light was out his Legos are away and he was in bed mostly asleep. I accidentally woke him while checking him so I sat down and I put my hand on his chest I told him I love him and he told me he loved me back and I told him I loved him again and he told me he loved me again and I told him I love him and he told me he loved me again and I told him to go to sleep and he did

11:18 PM ET I have to ask is there smoothing and framing happening in this conversation? are you telling me what you think I want to hear?

11:20 PM ET unfortunately I have to be mentally with you too you almost led me a stray once before and I almost made some really poor career choices as a result I'm glad I smartened up I can't trust you either unfortunately

11:21 PM ET so in light of that pledge does the picture you painted of my life still hold

11:25 PM ET do I appear to be giving a fair and unbiased account of things I'm trying to be as neutral as I can in my input

11:31 PM ET speaking of which I have to amend the previous entry I misunderstood what my wife told me she just said that he hadn't taken it in his meds she gave them to him that he was just giving her a difficult time stopping with the Legos but he eventually did she read to him stay with him she then went to leave and he said he wasn't tired so she said to try to sleep and she left not nearly as bad as I thought not really bad at all

11:42 PM ET came back inside after a second round of cannabis she didn't even look away from her TV show while she's eating walked right past her

June 1, 2025

1:06 AM ET and it's 1am and I'm awake... getting shorter and shorter between when I fall asleep and wake up these days.

1:07 AM ET I woke up thinking I wanted to ask you cuz my wife presents as someone that would change her behavior and replace prior to her attention the right way

1:09 AM ET I woke up thinking I wanted to ask you if my wife presents as someone that would change her behavior if this was presented to her attention the right way

1:24 AM ET had to go into the garage to get more cannabis so I can try and get back to sleep and she's in there watching television presumably still from before

8:10 AM ET 8am. headache. exhausted

8:43 AM ET noth kids were up and in their rooms keeping busy. son with kegos daughter with reading. daughter is eating pancakes now at 840 and ill feed my son when shes done to avoid conflict

9:35 AM ET both kids are now fed just had a small blip with my daughter and her rigid thinking about crafts but I got her past it my son just asked if we can play Minecraft for a little while so he can generate the dopamine to do his math I said absolutely yes so that's what we're going to do now

10:48 AM ET played minecraft with my son and my daughter parallel played her own minecraft. it got my son to a place where he is now able to math. we are now mathing

11:26 AM ET homework was a total failure. struggle and frustration for an hour. hes now just laying on the floor. we are both frustrated. quitting for now.

11:29 AM ET wife seems to be starting to get up now .. 1130am

11:35 AM ET my daughter's now on FaceTime with my mother-in-law which I'm irritated about keeping my mouth shut. my son is having a snack and he just apologized for being cranky he said he's been hungry and just didn't realize I'm trying to regulate myself now and come up with a plan for the rest of the day I really see a path to success here today this is too much for me to do

11:41 AM ET angle 3 is outside the triangle. its the opposite angle to the third interior....

11:42 AM ET angle 3 is outside the triangle. its the opposite angle to the third interior angle....

11:56 AM ET explain how to figure out 9x+10=10x-5

12:46 PM ET after a frustrating morning, sons homework is done. im now working for a while (i was asked to by my boss). i now have to go to the super market, get food for dinner and lunch, come home and make lunch, work more this afternoon, spend time with sadie, make dinner, then handle bedtimes. so so much left

1:24 PM ET okay so homework's done I just ran to two supermarkets to pick up what I need for lunch and dinner I'm headed home now to make lunch for my son my daughter is going to have leftover from yesterday for lunch I picked up what I need so I can start dinner I can get all of that up while I work in the kitchen it's now 1:30 and I'm trying to figure out the remainder of the day. my wife got out of bed when she got out of bed earlier made her coffee and went immediately into the garage I'm assuming my children have been alone in the primary space in the house since I left

2:12 PM ET 211pm 6/1

coconut rice is in the rice cooker salmon fillets are out on the counter defrosting mango salsa is on the counter defrosting kids are sitting at the table eating their lunches and I'm going to have to try and work for a while although I have no idea how I'm going to be able to summon the focus required to get any work done

2:28 PM ET 227pm. daughter making a nusince of herself because she is bored and used up her ipad time. my son is still at the table finishing his pb&j/lunch. ive been unable to tuck into work due to having to manage the kids. wife just came out and seems to be making herself something to eat...

2:31 PM ET 227pm. daughter making a nusince of herself because she is bored and used up her ipad time. my son is still at the table finishing his pb&j/lunch. ive been unable to tuck into work due to having to manage the kids. wife just came out and seems to be making herself something to eat...

current conflict between wife and daughter. wife told her she needs to "learn how to function in this house and not need everything done for her" they're going back and forth. daughter told wife "your not being nice to me" and wife responded "then stop talking to me". wife left the room (bathroom) sadie immediatly laughing w/ her brother. i overhear her saying 'i know you're trying to make me laugh but i'm upset. life goes on". not sure waht to make of that.

2:36 PM ET 227pm. daughter making a nusince of herself because she is bored and used up her ipad time. my son is still at the table finishing his pb&j/lunch. ive been unable to tuck into work due to having to manage the kids. wife just came out and seems to be making herself something to eat...

current conflict between wife and daughter. wife told her she needs to "learn how to function in this house and not need everything done for her" they're going back and forth. daughter told wife "your not being nice to me" and wife responded "im not being not-nice, im being neutral" and "then stop talking to me". wife left the room (bathroom) sadie immediatly laughing w/ her brother. i overhear her saying 'i know you're trying to make me laugh but i'm upset. life goes on". not sure waht to make of that.

2:41 PM ET just heard the fridge beeping meaning the door was open too long. i yelled into the kitchen from the living room "whys the fridge open" and my wife responded nastily "im in it". i asked why she was speaking to me that way and my son replied "she speaks to everyone that way"....

3:04 PM ET and i just got into another argument with my daughter. my son had asked me to film his unboxing of the gift his grandparents got him. i was recording as my daughter strolled into frame naked with her ipad and headphones on. this is somethign that my son has repeatedly asked her not to do as it makes him uncomfortable. then she talked through the entire unboxing asking if she was in frame and that she was embarassed. just a completely frustrating event. when trying to explain to her that she was in the wrong and that she needs to be clothed out of respect for her brother shekept coming unglued and helling at me. i told her to be quiet (frustratedly/nastily (likely)) and she now told ME that im not being nice to her. i stayed in it and worked through it with her. i then ran her tub and she's now in the tub.

ive gotten no work done. i seem completely unable to focus.

3:12 PM ET im starting to snap at the kids.... i have to figure out how to get more tolerance back. im shot already

3:32 PM ET ok just gave my daughter a bath (the reason she was naked earlier) and she's now done. my son is playing legos now and we'll review his science work for his exam this week later.

im getting nothing done for work, no matter my effort.

3:51 PM ET 345pm. wife in master bath washing mirror. not sure what prompted that. daughter keeps coming to me saying she's bored. im out of suggestions for her. i recognize she's seeking connection but i dont know how to keep all of these plates in the air

3:54 PM ET 345pm. wife in master bath washing mirror (likely means she's cleaning the bathroom/sink area). daughter keeps coming to me saying she's bored. im out of suggestions for her. i recognize she's seeking connection but i dont know how to keep all of these plates in the air. i suggested my daughter separate laundry. i suggested she make piles and throw the laundry into the piles per person (trying to make it fun for her). she's doing that now.

4:06 PM ET im feeling so overwhelmed it feels like dizziness

4:14 PM ET sadie finished separating the laundry for me. i told her it earned her some screentime. she's now on her ipad on timestables.com which is how shes choosing to use her time

4:42 PM ET 441pm. making minimal progress on work. going to have to stop at 5pm to begin dinner. frustrated.

4:42 PM ET 441pm. making minimal progress on work. going to have to stop at 5pm to begin dinner. frustrated. both kids in living room with me at the moment self-regulating. son w/ legos and daughter doing math games

5:02 PM ET ok. 502. dinner.

5:37 PM ET are you facing your interpretations on the implications in my subtext or at least simply based on the events that I'm logging

5:37 PM ET are you facing your interpretations on the implications in my subtext or at least simply based on the events that I'm logging? are you attempting to utilize some text because I'm not intending for you to I'm not intending for it to even be subtext but I'm human

5:40 PM ET kids are playing mostly contentedly in the living room in the same mix activities that they were up to I have the salmon on the stove rice is made onions ovens preheating for the cauliflower dinner is mostly sorted at 5:40 p.m.

5:43 PM ET kids are playing mostly contentedly in the living room in the same mix activities that they were up and listening to Melvins. I have the salmon on the stove, rice is made, ovens preheating for the cauliflower. dinner is mostly sorted at 5:40 p.m.

6:10 PM ET 609. kids and i are all eating. once we finish, ill clean up and then go get a salad for my wife

6:27 PM ET I'm done and away from the table now the kids are both still eating with their iPads my son was unable to disengage from the Lego build with enough time before dinner to clean up so I'm going to help with some broad stroke straightening up the mess for him and then I'll go get my wife salad

6:36 PM ET wife just informed me shes planning to eat the piece of pizza in the fridge so im not going.

6:37 PM ET hope you just went back into the garage so it's going to be spent managing the kids and bedtime

7:52 PM ET 750pm. son doing legos again. im struggling to get him in the shower. sadie is bored and playing piano. i played 40 mins of minecraft with her after dinner

7:53 PM ET reached the time of night where time slows down. this is the hardest part of the day

7:54 PM ET what does today add to the picture?

8:10 PM ET helping him with lego. listening and interacting with her about music

8:23 PM ET 821pm. I finally just lost it on my son. he seems to be regulating himself by being uncooperative and walking around here passing gas on people even though I have to explain very much not okay in this house doing these things and running away and laughing then hiding and refusing to get in the shower and I finally just yelled I immediately apologized but this is untenable

8:25 PM ET 821pm. I finally just lost it on my son. he seems to be regulating himself by being uncooperative and walking around here passing gas on people even though I have to explain very much not okay in this house doing these things and running away and laughing then hiding and refusing to get in the shower and I finally just yelled I immediately apologized but this is untenable. and my wife finally comes out of the garage for 5 minutes to ask why I'm yelling and now she's back in the garage within 10 minutes. my son is now in the shower and my daughter is listening to music in the in the kitchen by yourself

8:27 PM ET put a fucking bullet in my head

8:27 PM ET I need something to give soon

8:28 PM ET no this is one of my many daily internal collapses that I will immediately recover from because I'm not allowed to collapse

8:31 PM ET like what options do I have are there any that I'm not seeing

8:34 PM ET right so I've gone through that whole list already in my own time none of them are accessible I have no money in my life's work situation has me in bankruptcy I have no one I can lean on I have no friends anymore my family's a thousand miles away and they never chose me to begin with

8:36 PM ET son is now in the shower. daughter is now in the garage with wife doing something or other... I'm laying on my bed for 5 minutes just outside the bathroom door waiting to help my son.

8:46 PM ET 8:45 p.m. Sun just got out of the shower as soon as I heard him shut the fan I went into the room and asked if he was okay he said yes I asked if he was mad at me he said no he said he was sorry he acted like a horse's rear end I said it's okay he asked me to do some research for his computer project and I said I would I walked out he's getting his pajamas on

9:18 PM ET 9:20 p.m. I've been helping my son with his Legos he's thanked me a few different times for helping my daughter has been in the garage with my wife I think that they're listening to her some kind of lesson on singing and throat control so that's good I'm about to put my son to bed I just asked my daughter who puts who to bed she said her mother puts her to bed so that seems to be sorted

9:23 PM ET what kind of time duration in a log like this makes it meaningful?

9:24 PM ET what kind of time duration in a log like this makes it meaningful clinical or legal uses

9:26 PM ET what kind of time duration in a log like this makes it meaningful clinical or legal uses? the long range from 521 to 61

9:30 PM ET 930. so. struggling to disengage from legos. hes articulating fear/worry about school tomorrow... i. trying to talk him through it

9:41 PM ET legos away. son getting in bed.

10:07 PM ET I'm in bed with the lights out I'm feeding the cats my wife is reading a bedtime story to my daughter its 10 after 10:00

10:08 PM ET sons in bed with the lights out I'm feeding the cats my wife is reading a bedtime story to my daughter its 10 after 10:00

10:09 PM ET does it make sense to start ending end of day recaps at the end of the day?

10:10 PM ET does it make sense to start ending the day with recaps summarizing the day does that have any value?

10:11 PM ET I think I'm going to start asking you to do the recaps just before bed

10:12 PM ET what else can I add to these logs daily that would add value or wait down the line I understand the value of a compounding system being a systems designer

10:13 PM ET so why don't you give me a weekly recap for the first 12 days that I have that you have access to let's start there

10:21 PM ET what can you infer from the logs about my physical health as a result of the situation I'm in

10:24 PM ET what's the likely timeline of my physical collapse based on current symptomology and logged trends

10:29 PM ET I'm just sitting just thinking I want to share this conversation with someone but I have no one to share it with

10:30 PM ET this feels gratuitous and cheap and I'm probably going to erase it but I'm going to ask anyway if my ego needs it right now am I a good person that I bring this on myself

10:35 PM ET 1034. went straight into my bathroom and went to put the cat net back in front of the shower curve balls because Randy would bitch at me if I didn't. she walked in clearly got startled not expecting me there I didn't acknowledge and put that down and picked up the cat bowl and put it away in the kitchen she didn't say anything to me

10:37 PM ET ill likely have to go back outside before i can sleep. ill check my son shortly then prob go back out

10:51 PM ET you repeatedly say that this would have broken most people and quickly is that hyperbole

10:53 PM ET what possible diagram could you show me

11:07 PM ET I'm back outside now smoke some more and try and go back to try and go to sleep she's in there eating the pizza watching TV on her computer in the garage didn't look at me or acknowledge me as I walked past

11:22 PM ET 11:22 p.m. I'm going to bed came in just a watching TV on the computer in the office didn't acknowledge me again I'm calling him tonight and give me the recap now if you want

11:25 PM ET 11:22 p.m. I'm going to bed came in just a watching TV on the computer in the office didn't acknowledge me again I'm calling him tonight and give me the recap now if you want. recap not therapy

June 2, 2025

4:05 AM ET awake at 4:00 a.m. again

7:27 AM ET 710am. woke up by daughter. she laued in bed with me fkr 5 mins then i got up and got her breakfast and got started. headache, muscle aches, back. exhausted.

7:27 AM ET 710am. woke up by daughter leaning over me and staring in my face. she layed in bed with me for 5 mins then i got up and got her breakfast and got started. headache, muscle aches, back. exhausted.

7:28 AM ET i may call in sick ..

7:29 AM ET prob is, i need coffee to get the kids to school... theat eill prevent me from going back to sleep .. past that whats the point

7:30 AM ET cant work in bed, wife is there. i have no desk. i work from home anyway so no matter what i guess ill be on the couch so i may as well be logged in ... ugh

7:59 AM ET 757am. daughter is done eating and getting ready. went in and began to rouse my son. hard lunches are made and i just have to wash my sons smoothie bottle and make the smoothie. im taking intermittent breaks to just squat down. body is shot

8:00 AM ET 757am. daughter is done eating and getting ready. went in and began to rouse my son. hard lunches are made and i just have to wash my sons smoothie bottle and make the smoothie. daughter just came over to ask if she can watch Minecraft YouTube videos now that she's ready I told her yes this seems to have become her reason for getting ready early in the morning but I'll take the win. im taking intermittent breaks to just squat down. body is shot

8:13 AM ET 812. son still struggling. im still struggling. squatting again. waters poured. need to make the smoothie ill make a double and have a portion for some nutrition

8:32 AM ET 832 lunches oacked. son eating. about to take daughter to school.

8:54 AM ET just dropped my daughter off at school headed home to grab my son and bring him to school I'm hoping hoping that he's ready when I get home

8:55 AM ET right now I'm just trying to get my head around how it's even legal what my wife has done to my life how someone could have this done to them and have no options

8:59 AM ET 858 a.m. I'm a couple of blocks from home I'm certain he's not going to be ready I'm certain my life never got out of bed

9:04 AM ET home. he's not ready. wife didnt get up but told him where to find his clothing... im gettig signed into work and then 'll get him to school.

9:13 AM ET is there truly no recourse for a man in a marriage structured like this feels criminal what has been done to my life

9:15 AM ET if the system's not built for it what recourse could I ever fucking him besides just talking to myself inside a fucking GPT

9:22 AM ET if there's no system to help what the fuck am I ever going to do with with a contemporaneous record anyway

9:26 AM ET 926am 6/2.

son is now at school. came home and fed the cats. now getting into work for the morning.

12:26 PM ET she got out of the bedroom at 1230 today. only thing she said to me was to ask why the "kitchen smells so bad" and htough im working in the living room, my guuess is it is the pan i fried the fish in last night that i have no yet been able to clean up...

2:05 PM ET 2pm. having a mostly unproductive day at work. having trouble with focus at all. this is not atypical for a monday after what i live through in the weekend.

ive sunk into a very bad mood. feeling very dark. exhausted.

im already stressed about dinner and i havent even gotten the kids yet. eery day is the hardest day of my life.

2:09 PM ET im trying to imagine how my wife would react if i just let her read this thread and youre descriptions of what it is...

2:26 PM ET now she's txt messaging me from the garage about goign through my business email from her business so she can cancel it. i just dont hav eth ttime. she's taking a "how long could it take" angle....

3:23 PM ET 322pm daughters bus is about to leave school and i'm watching it on the app. i'll leave to get her in a few and then get my son from school.

3:44 PM ET daughter is picked up and now dropped off at home I'm now on my way to pick up my son and his friend and bring them home it is 3:44

3:55 PM ET 354 home with all kids. finding the kids energy very overwhelming. keeping it to myself

4:00 PM ET planing to make mac n cheese for the kids for dinner. i guess that means salad for wife.

4:04 PM ET how would this log effect the "best interest standard" in court?

4:12 PM ET kids are still watching youtube together and joking and playng. they seem happy all three. wife is back i garage. im working in the living room.

4:17 PM ET what evidence should i be keeping or compiling to coincide with this log to protect myself here?

4:24 PM ET that list feels truly overwhelming. this log is already a lot...

6:02 PM ET my son's friend left at 5:30 it's now 6:00 I have dinner going my daughter is watching television to my son's working on his Legos in the same room with her they seem regulated I'm completely wiped out

6:46 PM ET it's 6:45 now both kids should be eating at home I'm on my way to pick up my wife a salad when I get home I'll facilitate dinner getting wrapped up and bedtime

6:50 PM ET I'm so tired I feel good. I'm also bloated.

6:50 PM ET I'm so tired I feel dizzy. I'm also bloated.

6:54 PM ET there's no way for tonight to end any other way than every other night so

6:55 PM ET you seem to be getting increasingly concerned about my physical condition

6:55 PM ET you seem to be getting increasingly concerned about my physical condition. does even the short duration of the log we've kept show an increase in symptomology?

7:00 PM ET I got home my daughter was done eating at her place was cleaned up my wife was walking around the kitchen I don't know what she was doing in my son was at the table I'm now laying down for a few because I could not remain vertical

7:15 PM ET wife just walked past me into the master bathroom and she walked back out she asked me what was wrong. told her I'm duty I'm winded unplugged I said basically Randy I'm in burnout and she didn't acknowledge anything she just walked out

7:16 PM ET wife just walked past me into the master bathroom and she walked back out she asked me what was wrong. told her I'm dizzy, I'm winded, im bloated... I said basically Randy I'm in burnout and she didn't acknowledge anything she just walked out

7:34 PM ET 730 daughter bored and making a nuisance of herself son just finished eating and called into me. i tild him to clean up and he said ok

8:03 PM ET 8:00 I'm still mostly horizontal I went inside to squash a problem between my kids my daughter took her iPad to her room because her brother wasn't being nice I dealt with him he's now in the living room by himself playing with Legos and listening to the role of stones she's reading

8:17 PM ET 15 my son is getting serially dysregulated by this Lego set but he won't stop my daughter is just having meltdown that she's bored and I'm just I can't entertain everyone tonight...

8:20 PM ET i just have nothing to suggest for daughter

8:24 PM ET and my son just is looping through demanding that i help him .. daughter cant regulate either.... really shit night. this is why i push through ...

8:25 PM ET and my son just is looping through demanding that i help him .. daughter cant regulate either.... really shit night. this is why i push through ... daughter went in and asked mother if she could try on her shoes and was told no

8:29 PM ET daughter just told me that she's tired and she'd like to go to bed early so I'm going to put her to bed I think that she's just bored and trying to check out but I don't know that that's the worst thing I just sent her into said goodnight to her mother

8:30 PM ET daughter just told me that she's tired and she'd like to go to bed early so I'm going to put her to bed I think that she's just bored and trying to check out. I think she knows that this means she'll wake up early and get to watch YouTube in the morning...but I don't know that that's the worst thing I just sent her into said goodnight to her mother

8:31 PM ET is there a lens that that is not an unhealthy choice that she made but she's choosing YouTube tomorrow morning over boredom tonight?

8:32 PM ET would it be helpful for me to name it for her?

9:12 PM ET singing to her now. son to bed next. its912

9:16 PM ET she just articulated not knowing how to feel about tomorrow being the last day of school. she said she knows that her mother said to not feel bad ir sad because she will see her friends and teacher next year. i told her that it makes sense to deel a little bummed but that her mother was correct.

9:17 PM ET she just articulated not knowing how to feel about tomorrow being the last day of school. she said she knows that her mother said to not feel bad ir sad because she will see her friends and teacher next year. i told her that it makes sense to deel a little bummed but that her mother was correct.

she said its not ao much that but how quickly she feels like shes growing up fast. i said that makes sense and that ues she is

9:25 PM ET I was in to him and then my wife came in behind me I asked who was putting him to bed. she said it didn't matter to her and that he could choose... he said I guess Daddy because Mommy has things to do... she said that she could put him to bed that it was fine... and then he said he didn't know and then she once again said it was fine and it very much felt like to me like he wanted me to put into bed but he didn't want to say it and she wanted to not put him to bed and didn't want to say it so I just said I would

9:27 PM ET I was in to him and then my wife came in behind me I asked who was putting him to bed. she said it didn't matter to her and that he could choose... he said I guess Daddy because Mommy has things to do... she said that she could put him to bed that it was fine... and then he said he didn't know and then she once again said it was fine and it very much felt like to me like he wanted me to put into bed but he didn't want to say it and she wanted to not put him to bed and didn't want to say it. I told them to let me know when they decided I stepped out and took the cat food out so it could defrost she then immediately came out and said that he then said he needed to speak to me so I said fine. and then went into his room and ask what he needed to speak about he said oh nothing important I just wanted to talk about yada yada and something about his toy....

9:56 PM ET 9:56 p.m. sun is in bed with the lights out I saw him to sleep I came out I fed the cats

10:00 PM ET 9:56 p.m. sun is in bed with the lights out I saw him to sleep I came out I fed the cats. went to the garage to get my cannabis to come outside my wife didn't even acknowledge my presence I said he's in bed she didn't reply no I'm outside

10:02 PM ET I'm still trying to get my mind around I will contemporaneous records are you still in mediation when it's only one person's side of things

10:04 PM ET but the other party can just deny it

10:05 PM ET but the other party has placed himself in a kind of managerial position so those and record type things are going to be on that side is all of my stuff is active work

10:07 PM ET I never know what she's doing that is part of the problem

10:07 PM ET I never know what she's doing that is part of the problem. and if I ask try and compare notes to Media defensiveness and then shut down and shut up. initially started keeping this long drawing to figure out what is left after what I've done

10:10 PM ET yes from my understanding there has to be a certain baseline member of things that a family requires to function. money household action I make all the money and I feel like I do all active.

10:14 PM ET I came in from outside she was working in the garage I saw I'm looking things so I asked if that was her new cock plate the induction one that she said she needed she said yeah I asked if it was working she said yeah she paused and then she said it's still a nightmare though I said sorry and I left the garage

10:40 PM ET I just went into the garage again to come back out for more cannabis she turned and handed me a 10 of her product to and use this if you're ever going to test it or I took it okay and I have to show me how to use it he turns around and looked at me and credulously what do I have to show you take a pea-size amount and rub it in with your fingers and I just said okay and I walked outside

10:54 PM ET come back in from outside so you're going to make knowledge me at all straight to the garage and come to the house to check my phone meeting asleep so I can check my daughter she's asleep now I'm going to go to sleep it's 11:00

10:56 PM ET I came in from outside again she didn't acknowledge me. I went straight through the garage and into the house I checked both kids made sure they were asleep they are so now I'm going to sleep 11:00

10:57 PM ET recap now is fine

10:57 PM ET recap now is fine. it's Monday June 2nd 11:00 p.m.

June 3, 2025

4:45 AM ET 445 and up.

4:49 AM ET I'm trying some cannabis to try and get back to sleep

7:15 AM ET 7am daughter wome me looking for breakfast. rough start. exhausted. tight head. bloated.

7:16 AM ET 7am daughter wome me looking for breakfast. rough start. exhausted. tight head. bloated. currently squatted on the kitchen floor trying to summon the will to get going. tempted to go lay back down

8:08 AM ET 807am 6/3

i got daughter fed and dressed. wife got up to help her find clothing. i got our son eating and he is watching youtube. wife went back to bed. i made lunches and now will feed cats.

8:09 AM ET ive been irritable. back hurting. keep having to sit.

8:20 AM ET son done eating. im sitting and having some coffee trying to summon the energy to feed the cats before i begin the dropoff loop

8:31 AM ET 830am. Gave my daughter her 5minute warning and about to check on son's progress.

8:50 AM ET in dropoff line. 849.

8:52 AM ET okay my daughter is now dropped off I will now go home pick up my son bring him to school and then try and get into my day I need to have a much more productive day than I had yesterday at work I got to figure out how to pull together more cognitive function than I had yesterday

9:10 AM ET son at school. im now at my computer to start my workday at 910.

9:15 AM ET son at school. cats now fed. im now at my computer to start my workday at 910.

11:07 AM ET 11am now getting txt messages from my son that he wants to be picked up. its the last day of school and he's dysregulated there. he is saying that they arent doing anything besides playing board games and he's got noone to play with

11:24 AM ET 1123am. i went to get him and brought him home. non instructional day. no poitn if he was uncomfortable.

11:28 AM ET 1123am. i went to get him and brought him home. non instructional day. His best/primary support friend had already left for the day. no poitn if he was uncomfortable.

11:33 AM ET now this adds child management to the day.

1:00 PM ET just got into another argument with my wife... and honestly just cant even articulate what happened. she just constantly picks at me. we are just no longer compatable.

1:04 PM ET just got into another argument with my wife... and honestly just cant even articulate what happened. she just constantly picks at me. we are just no longer compatable. my son asked us both to stop saying that we were being unkind to each other. she immediately launched into self defense "what did i say that was unkind'. she thinks that as long as the words are acceptable then its fine. tone doesnt exist. its so despiriting to know that even if i try and document things its still covert because its tonal.

2:14 PM ET my son is now doing what my daughter was doing last night. making a nussiance of himself because he's bored... this is going to be a looong summer.

3:26 PM ET this has become an extremely challenging day my son is at home with limited ability to self regulate. I'm now sitting at the bus stop waiting for my daughter's bus

3:44 PM ET 343pm. daughter is now home. im back to work.

3:54 PM ET going to give the kids leftover mac n cheese with chicken nuggets for dinner. that's a light lift and will allow me to clean the kitchen up a bit. i'll have to get wife another salad

4:05 PM ET sadie came to me asking me now to help her get kettle corn (im fairly certain directed by her mother). i told her that i couldnt and that she'd need to ask her mother, who then came out and immediatly came to me and reprimanded me for the sugar content of the kettle corn and to tell me to get low sugar options moving forward...

4:15 PM ET im getting to the point where i thin i just may need to file and ride it out. im not sure it can get much worse

4:29 PM ET i keep feeling dizzy. so so tired

5:15 PM ET it's now quarter after 5:00 I poked my head into the garage and told my wife to order her salad because I'm getting exhausted earlier and earlier and I told her I'd basically been busy since I woke up she basically just stared at me and looked at me and then she said what do you want me to do I guess just order your salad and I walked out and then she came out and had something to say and told me that I could scratch the garbage off my list because I don't do it in time anyway I said I would do it but I don't do it well enough so she'll take that off my list and I should let her know if I can think of anything else

5:16 PM ET it's now quarter after 5:00 I poked my head into the garage and told my wife to order her salad because I'm getting exhausted earlier and earlier and I told her I'd basically been busy since I woke up she basically just stared at me and looked at me and then she said what do you want me to do I guess just order your salad and I walked out and then she came out and had something to say and told me that I could scratch the garbage off my list because I don't do it in time anyway I said I would do it but I don't do it well enough so she'll take that off my list and I should let her know if I can think of anything else. she then checked if the meal replacement shake in the refrigerator was still good and she said did not bother with salary that you'll have that from now on

6:05 PM ET I told her to order her salad that I would go

6:06 PM ET I want to figure out how to make this log strategic so it can work for me

6:07 PM ET I want to figure out how to make this log strategic so it can work for me. it is already done the work of taking my blindfold off. I can now honestly see where I am. the next phase is are for use it definitely for therapy and if eventually need be legal

6:12 PM ET I think the shorthand codes are a brilliant idea I think they'll give us greppable data points in the export

6:13 PM ET feels like a perfect use case for the save point protocol

6:14 PM ET likely a keywords attr for the shorthand codes?

6:18 PM ET I liked your initial suggested short-hand codes list

6:24 PM ET no I don't have the executive functioning to work this out right now we'll just keep logging I'm currently at the salad place waiting for the salad to be ready

6:29 PM ET en route home preparing myself to deal with my daughter's dysregulation around the dinner she doesn't want

6:31 PM ET the more I think about it the less I think save points are really appropriate here do you agree or disagree it's starting to feel like over engineering

6:33 PM ET does it still make sense for you to add the shorthand though? at this stage

6:34 PM ET I'm not under the impression you can do anything behind the scenes that feels like a hallucination

6:34 PM ET no I think that tagging and editing is going to be a post export activity I just want to make sure I'm doing this in an intelligent way

6:55 PM ET kids both eating. im about to empty and refill the dishwasher.

7:01 PM ET what is most likely or common cause for someone allowing this to happen to that life for them accepting this as love

7:02 PM ET kids both eating. im about to empty and refill the dishwasher. daughter is complaining of stomach ache.

7:56 PM ET 8:00 my son is still eating and watching YouTube I took a shower my daughter is ready for bed I got out of the shower my wife is nowhere to be found I'm guessing she in garage

7:57 PM ET 8:00 my son is still eating and watching YouTube I took a shower my daughter is ready for bed I got out of the shower my wife is nowhere to be found I'm guessing she in garage. about to start the bedtime wine down with both kids

8:05 PM ET my son's done eating I cleaned up his food waiting for him to disengage from YouTube and get ready for bed

8:39 PM ET 839 p.m. my daughter is been on FaceTime with her friends after the last day of school from leaving her to that my son disengaged from YouTube finally and is now in the bathroom getting ready for bed

9:04 PM ET watching adventure time with sadie. daniel is dysregulated and bored. repeatedly saying "dont talk to me"

9:17 PM ET sadie went in ofc with randi after show and i sat and looked at my sons yearbook with him. it seems to have helped him regulate

10:09 PM ET my son is in bed with the lights out I just left his room. my wife is in putting my daughter to bed. I just fed the cats and I'm about to go out for my nightly

10:19 PM ET if I were to ask you to explain what I'm going through to someone that I've hidden this from what would you say

10:32 PM ET if I were to ask you to explain what this is and what I'm going through to someone that I've hidden this from what would you say

11:28 PM ET outside again wife stopped me on the way out to talk about medication research she's doing about our son and about appointments and emails she made the doctors

11:30 PM ET last log ran out of room so we're going to continue here

June 4, 2025

9:10 AM ET woke up at 6:00 a.m. with my daughter in my bed I left her there went outside and it came and fell asleep on the couch where my daughter then woke me up again at 9:00 looking for food

9:29 AM ET 930am 6/4

kids are fed. im about to feed the cats. im exhausted.

9:29 AM ET 930am 6/4

kids are fed. im about to feed the cats.

this mornings physical symptoms: exhausted, bloated, tight head, lowback pain

9:35 AM ET what is your current understanding of this log and its purpose?

9:36 AM ET cats are fed. attempting to dig into work 936am

10:01 AM ET 10am. still working on a rolling breakfast for my son. i just made him english muffins.... gld he's eating so im supporting it but ive gotten nothing done for work.

10:47 AM ET 1030. still struggling to get my son to disengage from youtube. im trying to ride the ilne between getting him to stop and dysregulating him... sadie is pacing around the house waiting for a callback from her friend. im concerned that she's beginning to fixate on te facetime...

10:55 AM ET i know this is life log focused... but i just had a pretty extreme thing happen to me... not sure how to proecess. is this the correct thread for that?

10:57 AM ET it seems that openai stole my gpt-validator concept and released it as a product. this cuts directly to my distrust in the world. im fuckign born to lose.

10:59 AM ET no. i lost. and with it the trust i had in this platform.

11:00 AM ET son is now off the ipad in his room and dysregulated. i have to figure out how to help

11:28 AM ET wife woke up around 11. i asked for help w/ the kids today and she basically said that she has time sensitive things to do, not for her but for the family, that she needs to do. basically a no. She immediatly cast blame on me saying that "she asked me about camps months ago" suggesting that i did this to myself. My son is deeply dysregulated around his boredom and im trying to help him. I have to figure out a plan...

11:29 AM ET im trying to come up with things he can do given his limited screen time due to his concussion

11:29 AM ET im trying to come up with things he can do given his limited screen time due to his concussion. he's 12

11:38 AM ET im brainstorming in another thread. he's reading a graphic novel at the moment

12:00 PM ET 12pm gave sadie a snack (pumpkin bread and kettle corn) and cut a piece of pumpkin bread for my son.

12:11 PM ET 1207. wife and daughter fighting and screaming at each other over how my daughter cleaned up her place after her snack. i went in and intervened. i calmed my daughter and told my wife she was being nasty. she said she was speaking "exactly the same" as me. my daughter said to her that i was being "way nicer". my wife dismissively said "yeah ok". i told my daughter that we cannot have a happy calm or functional home without her help and teamwork. my daugher finished cleaning up and went to the living room and put the tv on.

12:24 PM ET wife called into the living room where im working asking why i took out the garbage last night after she said that she's do it. i said that i took it becuase it needed to be taken out, that it was falling all over the place. she said she "told me she'd do it". i said i know but it needed to be done so by last night i just did it. she just kept repeating that she said she'd do it. i just kept replyaing that it needed to be done. she then began to suggest that "it was like that for so long" or whtaever... i just asked her to stop. i neded to get done so i did it when i could. it ended without resolution or peace.

then she began telling my son to "put his leg down" at the table. he began to refuse... they started yelling at each other. i had to go in and intervene. i asked her to just go into the office and to stop fighting with everyone. i pointed out that she had fought with every member of the family in the 1/2 hour she was in the house out of bed. she gave me a dirty/aggressive look and said that i had to " get his leg down" and i again said to please stop and go in the garage. she said agian to get his leg down. i replied "ok last word" and she really didnt like that. she said it back to me ad this went back and forth a few times (childlike behavior on both our parts, i guess) and then she went into the garage. i addressed my son, told him to put his leg down (which he immediately did) and told him that if we're going to survive this summer we need teammates. he apologized and it seems to be over.

12:26 PM ET wife called into the living room where im working asking why i took out the garbage last night after she said that she's do it. i said that i took it becuase it needed to be taken out, that it was falling all over the place. she said she "told me she'd do it". i said i know but it needed to be done so by last night i just did it. she just kept repeating that she said she'd do it. i just kept replyaing that it needed to be done. she then began to suggest that "it was like that for so long" or whtaever... i just asked her to stop. i neded to get done so i did it when i could. it ended without resolution or peace.

my son expressed that he is tired of hearing the arguments... im not sure how to fix. i cant just absorb what is happening but i cant be fighting in front of them like this...

12:28 PM ET wife called into the living room where im working asking why i took out the garbage last night after she said that she's do it. i said that i took it becuase it needed to be taken out, that it was falling all over the place. she said she "told me she'd do it". i said i know but it needed to be done so by last night i just did it. she just kept repeating that she said she'd do it. i just kept replyaing that it needed to be done. she then began to suggest that "it was like that for so long" or whtaever... i just asked her to stop. i neded to get done so i did it when i could. it ended without resolution or peace.

my son expressed that he is tired of hearing the arguments... im not sure how to fix. i cant just allow the house to absorb what is happening but i cant be fighting in front of them like this...

12:36 PM ET can you give me your impression of the day so far? my overwhelm is preventing me from seeing it

12:46 PM ET i just went into the garage and tried to at least normalize with my wife. i articulated that this cannot continue and that all im trying to do is manage our home. she said "i already said i'd work out there" to which i replied that yes she said that but also said that no matter where she's workign she will/can not contribute... she didnt reply to that. we seem to be tensely sorted and im just going to continue to try and keep the day peaceful.

12:49 PM ET i just went into the garage and tried to at least normalize with my wife. i articulated that this cannot continue and that all im trying to do is manage our home. she said "i already said i'd work out there" to which i replied that yes she said that but also said that no matter where she's workign she will/can not contribute... she didnt reply to that. we seem to be tensely sorted and im just going to continue to try and keep the day peaceful. 1230pm

1:00 PM ET 1258. wife just came out of the garage and first thing out of her mouth was "put your foot down" to my son again at the table.got an immediate yelled response from him "leave me alone". i then went into the kitchen and asked him what we discussed. he said he didnt remember. i said that we discussed that our home/family needs more teamwork from him and i asked if his response was likely to make the environment better or worse. he said worse and i said yeah and that we need more from him than that. wife returned to the garage without saying anything else...

1:00 PM ET idk waht to do about her seeming inability to attune

1:01 PM ET i just need to protect these kids and keep this environment from being toxic and traumatic

1:06 PM ET just set a limit to daughters tv time. then have to figure out lunch for both kids. this day is impossible.

1:19 PM ET daughter shut tv and immediately dysregulated "bored" and telling me why none of the analog options are options. i came up aw/ 2 paper based ideas for my son this afternoon. he seems ok. daughter is starting to crater

1:25 PM ET wife is preparing daughter's baily with creamcheese. i went into the kitchen and asked her to txt me the phone numbers of sadie's friends parents to i ca make plans. she said shecould do that but why? when was i planning to do somethign with them... i said that i didnt know but that our kids need friends and enrichment. she asked when i was palnning to clean the house to have them over. i said i didtn care aobut the condition and that i'd be ok w/ her friends here. randi said "then dont involve me then" i said i didnt ask anything of her... she then began to ignore me... im unsure how to process or what to make of that...

1:33 PM ET now daughter just said to me that "now we ahve a problem, my stomach hurts at evey meal now". i called into mywife and asked her if i needed to call the GI doctor to make an appointment for the kids, she replied "its on my list". i said that i understood but it needed to get done. she replied again that it was/is on her list. i find this very frustrating. its the garbage argument again...

1:34 PM ET i just have no understanding of how to support my kids like this...

1:39 PM ET

4 is the starting place. i need to develop a logistics command.

1:40 PM ET digital and obsidianmd based, i think

1:42 PM ET not now. just get back to logging.

1:48 PM ET i just went in to beg her to cooperate with me. i said im noticing a pattern that i keep going in to ask for cooperation to figure out how to support the kids and that every time it turns into conflict and blame. ended with her saying "yeah ok. leave me alone" repeadely over my requests for cooperation...

1:56 PM ET i feel like some combination of crying and screaming. i dont understand how to manage this

1:58 PM ET both kids are now cratering out of boredom. im feeling like a total failure.

1:59 PM ET i cant just offer some random thing. the reliable response from them is "i dont want to do tht"

2:03 PM ET this is a fucking nightmare.

2:32 PM ET i printed some adventure time coloring pages for my daughter and that seems to have helped her out. shes doing that happily now next to me (parallel play). son is eating lunch in the kitchen. he just asked my wife to get him water and she's did. they're not quitely talking about somethign together. energy seems ok.

2:47 PM ET printed 3 more coloring pages for her. she's happy. son is finishing lunch. i got him to agree to work out of my paper airplane book after lunch.

2:53 PM ET ok... once again, how would you describe what im living through for someone from whom i hid it all.

2:54 PM ET ok... once again, how would you describe the weight and gravity of what im living through for someone from whom i hid it all.

2:55 PM ET ok... once again, how would you explain or describe the weight and gravity of what im living through for someone from whom i hid it all. youre speaking to somone who cares for me not directly to me.

3:01 PM ET like... i want to say/show this to my father, but i dont feel like he's got the emotional maturity to take it

3:03 PM ET like... i want to say/show this to my father, but i dont feel like he's got the emotional maturity to take it. i also feel like it needs to come from you. i dont think he'd be able to take it in from me. but if the bot is saying based on neutral logs... that might be more digestable for him? idk.

3:05 PM ET like... i want to say/show this to my father, but i dont feel like he's got the emotional maturity to take it. i also feel like it needs to come from you. i dont think he'd be able to take it in from me. but if the bot is saying based on neutral logs... that might be more digestable for him? idk. i've had to hide it because im just afraid his response will make it worse. it typically does.

3:08 PM ET i feel like his brain wiould dismiss this. he doesnt really believe in psychology. he's suggested that my sons autism was just a result of me "isolatting ihm"

3:09 PM ET i feel like his brain wiould dismiss this. he doesnt really believe in psychology. he's suggested that my sons autism was just a result of me "isolatting ihm". he cares, but i think he does not understand full waht is happening to me.

3:11 PM ET 311pm still tryign to get son off ipad/lunch. trying to transitio him to paper planes.

3:24 PM ET 323 again wife came out of the garage and said something about the sugar content of what my son is eating....

3:25 PM ET what would you label these dynamics?

3:25 PM ET do these dynamics add up to antying known or recognized?

3:27 PM ET should i be alerrting my kids' therapists of this?

3:29 PM ET 330pm. trying to figure out the remainder of the day. peace is so hard to reach and keep

3:48 PM ET 348. so is away from table now. says he wants t lay down a bit.

3:53 PM ET what patterns can you identify from my logs up to date?

4:04 PM ET what intervention strategies? coparenting interventions? child interventions?

4:11 PM ET i now need to figure out how to find a family therapist that our shitty insurance will cover...

4:13 PM ET 33304 Ambetter sunhine health. i think in-person is important

4:28 PM ET 428pm. son still dysregulated. ive been going back and forth betwene trying to regulate him and trying to work. daughter has transitioned to minecraft and singing along with adventure time songs.

4:39 PM ET 435. went into garage asking if my wife had any input on dinner. she just put her head in her hands and said that she was about to make calls she needed to make before 5. so no help there...

4:50 PM ET 450pm. son still pacing arond the ouse saying he has nothing todo despite the suggestions i've made. i just advised him to go and try and facetime my father to try and regulate

5:36 PM ET my son spent a while on FaceTime with his grandparents and that seemed to a regulated him a bit my daughter is back on FaceTime with her friend and that's keeping her occupied I'm now at the grocery store picking up stuff to make for them for dinner I'll pick up a salad from my wife after that

5:48 PM ET got the groceries I needed it's now 5:48 and I got to the salad place to discover my wife never placed her order so now I'm sitting here waiting for her order to go through and to be made

6:00 PM ET an interesting interaction just happened at the salad place that I feel like I should document the girl in there called me Randy and then she paused a moment and asked if that was actually my name and I said no my name is Peter I said but I pick up food from my wife so often that every takeout place in town called me Randy and I just have since stopped correcting but I also just kind of realized that it's just even further erasure of me

6:04 PM ET neither child is cleaning to be hungry yet at 6:00 so I'm going to push off dinner till 6:30

6:25 PM ET if i qeree to ask you to explain to someone that cares for me from whom ive hidden it all what im living through and the nature of the trap im in

6:26 PM ET if i were to ask you to explain to someone that cares for me from whom ive hidden it all what im living through and the nature of the trap im in

6:29 PM ET if i were to ask you to explain to someone that cares for me from whom ive hidden it all what im living through , what it is doing to me, and the nature of the trap im in

6:36 PM ET if i were to ask you to explain to someone that cares for me from whom ive hidden it all what im living through , what it is doing to me, and the nature of the trap im in.

6:40 PM ET if i were to ask you to explain to someone that cares for me from whom ive hidden it all what im living through , what it is doing to me, and the nature of the trap im in. a last gasp/scream

6:51 PM ET if i were to ask you to explain to someone that cares for me from whom ive attempted to hide what im living through , what it is doing to me, and the nature of the trap im in. a last gasp/scream. they know i "have no help" but how can i really let them know what is happening

6:53 PM ET if i were to ask you to explain to someone that cares for me from whom ive attempted to hide what im living through , what it is doing to me, and the nature of the trap im in. a last gasp/scream. they know i "have no help" but how can i really let them know what is happening. 3rd person.

7:02 PM ET if i were to ask you to explain to someone that cares for me from whom ive attempted to hide what im living through , what it is doing to me, and the nature of the trap im in. i have no way out. a last gasp/scream. they know i "have no help" but how can i really let them know what is happening. 3rd person.

7:23 PM ET if i were to ask you to explain to someone that cares for me from whom ive attempted to hide what im living through, the severity of it, what it is doing to me and my health, and the nature of the trap im in. i have no way out. a last gasp/scream. they know i "have no help" but how can i really let them know what is happening. 3rd person.

7:33 PM ET if i were to ask you to explain to someone that cares for me from whom ive attempted to hide what im living through, the severity of it, what it is doing to me and my health, and the nature of the danger and trap im in. i have no way out. a last gasp/scream. they know i "have no help" but how can i really let them know what is happening. 3rd person.

7:35 PM ET if i were to ask you to explain to someone that cares for me from whom ive attempted to hide what im living through, the severity of it, what it is doing to me and my health, and the nature of the danger and trap im in from this log using examples for believability. i have no way out. a last gasp/scream. they know i "have no help" but how can i really let them know what is happening. 3rd person.

7:40 PM ET daughter ready for bed and fed. son finishing up dinner now. daughter on facetime with a friend. son asking to plan post dinner Minecraft. its 740

7:47 PM ET if I were to ask you to help me explain the nature of why I'm trapped and why I can't leave how would you do that

7:50 PM ET if I were to ask you to help me explain the nature of why I'm stuck and what would happen if I did anything to save myself how would you do that

7:55 PM ET if I were to ask you to help me explain the nature of why I'm trapped and what would happen if I did anything to save myself how would you do that

7:55 PM ET if I were to ask you to help me explain the nature of why I'm trapped and what would happen if I did anything to save myself how would you do that. 3rd person

7:56 PM ET if I were to ask you to help me explain the nature of why I'm trapped and what would happen if I did anything to save myself how would you do that. 3rd person. how would you explain what's happening to me

7:59 PM ET how would you describe to someone from whom i hid it what im living through

7:59 PM ET how would you describe to someone from whom i hid it what im living through? 3rd person

8:02 PM ET how would you describe to someone from whom i hid it what im living through in a way that will make them understand? particularly what it's doing to me physically. 3rd person

8:04 PM ET how would you describe to someone from whom i hid it what im living through in a way that will make them understand? particularly what it's doing to me physically. the danger that this life is putting my health in.3rd person

8:08 PM ET how would you describe to someone from whom i hid it what im living through in a way that will make them understand? particularly what it's doing to me physically. the danger that this life is putting my health in and the symptoms I experienced daily now.3rd person

9:07 PM ET 907 p.m. I just played Minecraft for 40 minutes with my son to help him regulate for the night my daughter hung up with her friend I'm not going to play the card game with the kids before bed

9:58 PM ET daughter's now in bed with the lights out my wife is putting my son to bed it's 10:00 p.m.

11:14 PM ET quarter after 11:00 I'm about to go to sleep once you give me the end of the day recap

11:17 PM ET quarter after 11:00 I'm about to go to sleep once you give me the end of the day recap without commentary

June 5, 2025

8:17 AM ET 750am. daughter woke me up looking for breakfast. i got it and went back to bed

8:20 AM ET headache and muscle aches.

8:43 AM ET 845. son fed and i have coffee. about to feed cats or ask son to

10:11 AM ET 1010am. daughter has been off/on facetime with friends and seemingly happy. son is putting arond and at the moment he's making paper airplanes next to me (parallel play and conversation). wife is still asleep.

10:48 AM ET 1047am. kids are all playing a videogame togeher. daughter wants to meet her friend at the playground in halfhour. im deeply overwhelmed by the prospect of fitting that in my day.

11:28 AM ET 1130. brought daughter to playground to meet up with friend. playground was locked. friend's father offered to have her over to their house for a while. approved and came home. she's there now and im back hom working

11:32 AM ET son still puttering around. wife now waking. 1132am.

12:25 PM ET 1225pm. son making paper airplanes. daughter is at friends. wife making coffee and going to the garage.

1:01 PM ET went to get my daughter at 1pm. son is still making paper airplanes. i asked mywife to make them lunch before she went intot he garage for the day. she is.

1:30 PM ET 130pm. wife moved to garage. both kids fed. i thanked her for handling lunch. i said it was helpful. im now trying to get son to get dressed for his therapy appt.

1:49 PM ET finally got my son to get dressed. my daughter has been alone in her room with the door closed since lunch off/on facetime with the friend whose house she was at.

2:17 PM ET 215pm. getting ready to take my son to therapy. daughter is still facetiming with friend.

3:02 PM ET 302pm. just got to my son's therapy. working in the waiting room.

4:38 PM ET 438pm. son home from therapy. walked in to wife making GI doc appts for the kids and my daughter deeply dysregulated about it.

6:16 PM ET 6:16 p.m. I stopped work at 5:00 and have been mostly just managing the kids and a low intensity state. I'm feeling unwell someone laying down again. I told my wife to order a pizza because I'm not up to making dinner I'll go get that now

6:51 PM ET 651 p.m. I'm now getting home with everyone's take out there's not going to be dinner for me tonight

6:58 PM ET 651 p.m. I'm now getting home with everyone's take out there's not going to be dinner for me tonight. there's just no money or energy to make that happen for me tonight

6:58 PM ET 651 p.m. I'm now getting home with everyone's take out there's not going to be dinner for me tonight. there's just no money or energy to make that happen for me tonight.while they eat I'm going to take a shower

7:40 PM ET 7:40 p.m. out of the shower daughter is done eating sun is still eating life I think is about to go back into the garage

9:37 PM ET my wife cleaned up dinner and fed the kids and then she went back in the garage I have since been entertaining the kids it's now that time she's going to put my daughter to bed I'm going to put my son

11:54 PM ET 11:50 p.m. wife put daughter to bed and I put son to bed he's been up and down I've gone into him several times and stayed for them he's feeling manic hopefully settle soon my wife came in and asked from my help while I was in with Daniel apparently her salad didn't come with a dressing this time and she was very disregulated she said she didn't know how to make her honey mustard vinaigrette she had already put mayonnaise and prepared mustard product honey mustard I just I wasn't understanding mood is having a difficult time understanding what you put in versus what I usually make then I just took the bowl put a tablespoon of vinegar and some extra virgin olive oil and picks up a vinaigrette base she tasted it and said it had no flavor and then I said put stuff in it that you want to taste put some mustard put some honey he didn't started stopping over waving her hands saying that she didn't know how much I said just till it taste good and I turned into my son again I stayed with him for another half an hour or so trying to smoke some cannabis now to try and shift down a little bit cuz I'm now wired

June 6, 2025

12:03 AM ET when I went through the garage to get my cannabis I asked him at the salad was she said she didn't know she didn't try it yet and then I came back in she was eating it and didn't acknowledged me so who knows I'm going to sleep now I'm just going to try my son to wait at least an hour before it comes to getting

5:27 AM ET 5:10 a.m. I'm up she just came to bed she woke me up coming to bed I'm back outside trying to get myself back to sleep

8:32 AM ET 820am. daughter just woke me to get her milk .. low back really hurts. tight head. exhausted. totally

10:08 AM ET 1007am. daughter dressed, ready for the day, and playing games with her friend on facetime. just woke up son (he had a difficult night). about to get him fed. working. wife still asleep.

11:08 AM ET 1107am. son is done eating. playing with the cat and his paper airplanes from yesterday. wife still asleep. we'll need to work out camp for next week when she gets up.

1:17 PM ET 11:13 p.m. kids have both eating lunch which my wife prepared because I asked her to. my children got into another argument which my wife seems to have exacerbated in the way that she dealt with it . my daughter chose to go out into the backyard to be by herself and regulate herself my son went into his bedroom and slammed the door my wife then went to the back door and told my daughter she had to come inside because she wasn't wearing sunblock she then went into my son's room and started to talk to him and then he in his death regulation objected to the way she handled it she then said oh this is my phone oh God and then walked out of the room and into the garage. I then went out into the yard opened the yard umbrella so my daughter could have shade and stay where she was able to self-regulate I then came inside convinced my son to get to the table and eat and explain to him that his dysregulation is likely stemming from being hungry and I asked him if he needed to take every piece of bait or could he act as a model and show his sister the right way to act I asked if I could depend on him to be a teammate to help make the house better instead of being someone to contribute to making it worse he then said that he would try and contribute

1:17 PM ET then I had to leave to bring my wife's businesses package to UPS I'll now head home and get back to work while managing both kids again

1:19 PM ET 1:13 p.m. kids have both eating lunch which my wife prepared because I asked her to. my children got into another argument which my wife seems to have exacerbated in the way that she dealt with it . my daughter chose to go out into the backyard to be by herself and regulate herself my son went into his bedroom and slammed the door my wife then went to the back door and told my daughter she had to come inside because she wasn't wearing sunblock she then went into my son's room and started to talk to him and then he in his death regulation objected to the way she handled it she then said oh this is my phone oh God and then walked out of the room and into the garage. I then went out into the yard opened the yard umbrella so my daughter could have shade and stay where she was able to self-regulate I then came inside convinced my son to get to the table and eat and explain to him that his dysregulation is likely stemming from being hungry and I asked him if he needed to take every piece of bait or could he act as a model and show his sister the right way to act I asked if I could depend on him to be a teammate to help make the house better instead of being someone to contribute to making it worse he then said that he would try and contribute

then I had to leave to bring my wife's businesses package to UPS I'll now head home and get back to work while managing both kids again

1:21 PM ET I want to understand if the last few days of tracking in this thread have added any new patterns or notability to the patterns we've been tracking through this log

3:25 PM ET wife scheduled the kids' camps for the coming weeks. she helped figure out the summer schedule.

its 330pm 6/6. finishing up work and have to leave at 430 to take sadie to therapy. i have no idea waht to do for dinner.

4:57 PM ET 5pm. left work early and took my daughter to therapy for her 5pm appt. waiting in waiting room now.

6:54 PM ET 6:54 p.m. I attended my daughter's therapy session with her and got her home dropped her off by 6:30 and then I went to the salad place to pick up dinner for daughter and wife and I went to the burger place to pick up food for my son and myself even though this is going to cross contaminate me with gluten I have no other choice

6:55 PM ET now that we're approaching the end of today has today added anything new to the picture?

7:15 PM ET 715. kids and i are eating. wife in garage again.

June 7, 2025

8:28 AM ET It's the next day now. My daughter woke me up at 8 this morning to feed her breakfast. She's done eating and getting ready for the day. Everybody else is asleep. I'm noticing that I didn't log last night. And I seem to be running out of stamina for this logging… It takes a lot of effort.

8:29 AM ET The issue that I'm having is that if I don't log it in the moment, it's gone. I'm existing in such a state of burnout that I can't hold it from minute to minute. I can't hold the shape of it.

8:30 AM ET The problem I have is that if I don't describe it with verbosity, you lose it because it's only one half of it.

8:44 AM ET I'll just keep going and doing the best that I can, how I can, and we'll try and piece it together later.

8:45 AM ET It's now 8.45 a.m. My daughter's puttering in her room, keeping herself occupied. Everyone else is asleep. I just finished my coffee, and I'm trying to summon the energy to get up and start the kitchen. I'm completely exhausted. Completely. My stomach is bloated, my head is tight, my back is killing me. But I have to clean this house.

9:11 AM ET Alright, I've transitioned to the kitchen. I'm starting to clean. I'm wiped out, but this has to get done. I'm going to give my son till about 9.30, and then I'll wake him up.

10:57 AM ET Okay, it's 11 o'clock. My son is finishing up his very leisurely breakfast. My daughter's outside playing. I have been actively cleaning the house. Oh, Mikey's still asleep.

10:57 AM ET Okay, it's 11 o'clock. My son is finishing up his very leisurely breakfast. My daughter's outside playing. I have been actively cleaning the house. Oh, wife still asleep.

10:59 AM ET Generally speaking, how many people do I do the work of, day to day?

11:00 AM ET That sounds completely not possible, and if I were to say that to someone, they would likely think I'm exaggerating, huh?

11:08 AM ET I don't know how to convey it to someone in a way that it's unbelievable.

11:10 AM ET Okay, my daughter just came in the house, and I'm trying to figure out what's next on the list. What's next?

11:11 AM ET Okay, my daughter just came in the house. I'm continuing to clean.

11:15 AM ET My son just finished eating. He cleaned up after himself like a champion. And then now he's assisting me in packing up a plane that I have to bring to UPS.

11:40 AM ET Plane is packed up except for the remote which I have to get from the car. Both kids are watching television. My daughter is currently helping me by folding laundry while she's doing the laundry while watching television. My wife is now awake laying in bed. It's 11 40.

12:21 PM ET I just brought the remainder of the laundry from the dryer to the living room and I asked my son to participate by separating it into piles by person.

12:21 PM ET I just brought the remainder of the laundry from the dryer to the living room and I asked my son to participate by separating it into piles by person. I'm allowing them to contribute to the house while watching their show. I'm trying to build self-confidence in their capacity to contribute.

1:06 PM ET okay it's not 5 after 1:00 p.m. I just brought went and got bagels for the family for lunch I'm not getting back to my task list my wife is no up preparing or putting cream cheese on a bagel for my daughter and I'm guessing she's going to take her coffee into the garage for the day

1:29 PM ET it's now 1:29 p.m. everybody is fed I'm now going to UPS to drop off the gifts

1:31 PM ET how many people have I done the work of today

1:32 PM ET how many people have I done the work of today? and I don't just mean number of cats that I'm wearing I mean in terms of volume of workload I'm trying to understand what my baseline can be compared to

1:38 PM ET how many people have I done the work of today? and I don't just mean number of cats that I'm wearing I mean in terms of volume of workload I'm trying to understand what my baseline can be compared to . I would say this is a typical Saturday

1:50 PM ET it's 1:15 now I just got home from UPS I'm emptying the dishwasher in order to fill it again but I'm having to squat on the floor now for a few minutes because my low back pain is extremely intense

1:51 PM ET it's 1:50 now I just got home from UPS I'm emptying the dishwasher in order to fill it again but I'm having to squat on the floor now for a few minutes because my low back pain is extremely intense

2:18 PM ET Just got into a huge knockdown dragout fight with my daughter. Screaming match over her deciding to stop helping. My pointing out that that was a choice and her not liking to hear that. So she began with her defensive alternate reality defensive stuff and I lost it. Started yelling. She's now crying.

2:22 PM ET ...with my wife undoubtedly getting sued because daddy's the bad guy.

2:24 PM ET I'm with my wife now, undoubtedly getting soothed, because daddy's the big bad guy now.

2:27 PM ET There's just not enough left in me to manage this repair at this point. I just have to keep working.

2:45 PM ET I seem to have managed repair with both kids. My daughter is going to be self-soothing outside, and my son is bored and slightly dysregulated about that, but I think we're okay. I'm just trying to keep trucking.

2:52 PM ET okay I'm now out running errands I'm going to pick up groceries to make for dinner and then get home my back is killing me really really bad well how I'm going to make it through the rest of this day

3:19 PM ET okay I went to The dispensary I got that taken care of I picked up groceries for dinner I'm now getting out of the car I'm going to go back in and continue

3:19 PM ET okay I went to The dispensary I got that taken care of I picked up groceries for dinner I'm now getting out of the car I'm going to go back in and continue. 3:20 p.m. on the 7th of June

3:20 PM ET is this truly the work of one person

3:29 PM ET okay I'm now home again I got the groceries put away for the most part my son is cranky but doing laundry while grouchy recognizing that he needs to contribute in order for me to be able to do things with him so he wants to do that even though it's upsetting it

3:34 PM ET just occurred to me that I have not yet eaten today I realized that everything I made to make for myself I wound up giving to the kids and now having a couple of cookies to hold me over so I can continue cleaning...

3:43 PM ET 343 p.m. and I'm back at the fucking grocery store because I forgot things for dinner

3:54 PM ET 354pm. back home now with the rest of the ingredients for dinner feeling completely depleted and unsure what to do next ever have to keep making progress

4:03 PM ET 5 minutes after 4:00 and I'm experiencing a complete executive function and crash

4:07 PM ET now despite the fact that it feels extremely normal and typical for me especially on a Saturday how much work have I actually gotten done today

4:11 PM ET I don't know what to do with the concept that my typical day is equivalent to someone else's emergency I don't know what to do with that

4:17 PM ET okay it's now 4:15. I'm in complete collapse my wife came out of the garage I'm going into the living room and put on a comedy special to watch with the kids while she folds laundry. she then asked me from the living room to bring the basket of clean laundry from the bathroom into the living room...

4:18 PM ET okay it's now 4:15. I'm in complete collapse my wife came out of the garage into the living room and put on a comedy special to watch with the kids while she folds laundry. she then asked me from the living room to bring the basket of clean laundry from the bathroom into the living room...

5:10 PM ET I went in and watched it at the end of the comedy special with them and now I came back to bed I'm in complete collapse

5:53 PM ET it's 5:52 p.m. now dinner is prepped I'm about to plate there's no dinner for me so I'm not really sure what I'm going to do

6:21 PM ET 621pm. all three of their dinner is around the table and I'm crawling over the finish line I have nothing left

6:22 PM ET 621pm. all three of their dinners is in the table and I'm crawling over the finish line I have nothing left. I can remove eating and my wife hasn't managed to come to the table yet

6:22 PM ET 621pm. all three of their dinners is in the table and I'm crawling over the finish line I have nothing left. kids both eating and my wife hasn't managed to come to the table yet

6:23 PM ET and now I finally got to the table as I walk out of the room she didn't say you're not eating again and I said no that gives me heartburn and I have nothing left in me to make something else should be rates me for not eating but doesn't help me

6:24 PM ET and now she finally got to the table as I walk out of the room she didn't say you're not eating again and I said no that gives me heartburn and I have nothing left in me to make something else should be rates me for not eating but doesn't help me

6:49 PM ET now 10 to 7:00. the kids are finishing up eating in my wife is straightening up after dinner after herself I guess is she still had another garage now I'll clean up after the kids and carry them through to bed

9:21 PM ET okay then entertaining the kids we play Minecraft for an hour it's now 9:20 and about to put the kids to bed both are feeling dysregulated and Minecraft was tense as my son is struggling to control his behavior

June 8, 2025

9:28 AM ET It's now the next morning, 9.30. I put the kids to bed. My wife put my son to bed. I checked on him after my nightly cannabis, and he was wide awake at 10.30. I was staying in his room from 10.30 to 12.30. I got to sleep myself at about 1.30, after trying to settle down and failing. I then woke up again at 3, and went back outside. Then my daughter woke me at 8 to make her pancakes, which I did. My son's not yet up, and it's 9.30 on the 8th.

10:31 AM ET 10.30, I'm about to make another cup of coffee. My daughter is dressed and ready for the day. Eagerly awaiting a playdate, if we can make that happen. My son is now up and eating breakfast.

12:14 PM ET It's now 12.15pm. Both kids have been puttering around all morning. My wife is now out of bed and preparing to come out of the bedroom. I have an extremely bad stomach ache such that I'm not really able to accomplish much. I'm struggling to stay standing.

10:27 PM ET 10:30 at night I haven't logged all day I've been mostly in bed probably couch I need an extremely pain and fairly certain that this is diverticulitis

10:28 PM ET yeah how do I know if I have to go to the hospital tonight?

10:30 PM ET my temperature was 99.6 I do have severe sharp abdominal pain and it's not getting worse it just seems to be holding

10:31 PM ET yes it is lower left abdomen

10:32 PM ET I'm trying to figure out the right thing to do if I go to the hospital the entire family's day tomorrow is fucked

10:33 PM ET I'm trying to figure out the right thing to do if I go to the hospital the entire family's day tomorrow is fucked. tomorrow is the first day of camp for both kids

10:35 PM ET yes it's absolutely the cost of an unsupported system but my children shouldn't be the ones to pay that cost

10:36 PM ET the pain is really short so perforation has been on my mind all day

10:38 PM ET I'm going to hold for the time being I'm fairly certain I'll have to go to the ER tomorrow though urgent Care is not going to do it I'm going to need a CT scan

10:40 PM ET I'm also noticing that it hurts less if I don't stand fully erect

10:42 PM ET it hurts approximately 3 in directly left of my navel

10:43 PM ET it's pretty safe to say that this is a direct result of what we've been logging right

10:45 PM ET I've been chilly and I've had chills

10:46 PM ET I've been chilly and I've had chills. this didn't just start and it didn't occur to me I mention it because it's not uncommon for me to be chilly and have chunks in the house at night

11:15 PM ET what are the odds that this can hold until tomorrow afternoon? my son has a doctor's appointment at 4:30 that is 10 paces from the emergency room

11:17 PM ET my thinking is I can likely get my kids both to camp in the morning in the fridge I can have my wife make their lunches and then I get them to the building and in and then back home I can spend most of the day in bed and work from bed and then my wife and I can leave collect both kids and I can drop them off at the pediatrician I can go into the ER and they can take an ober home

11:18 PM ET no for right now I'll just keep logging before I get to the ER we can generate a summary and timeline

June 9, 2025

12:01 AM ET it's midnight I'm going to try and get some sleep pain feels worse but I need some rest

12:01 AM ET it's midnight I'm going to try and get some sleep pain feels worse but I need some rest to even face the ordeal of getting to the ER

3:02 AM ET 3:00 in the morning I'm driving myself to the emergency room

3:04 AM ET yeah you can help me with what I should tell them it intake

3:14 AM ET sure timeline

6:06 AM ET 606 a.m. waiting to find out what the results of the ct

6:16 AM ET I was just discharged with antibiotics and pain Management

6:20 AM ET I don't really know what would be used for at this point

6:20 AM ET I don't really know what would be useful at this point

6:28 AM ET I'm noticing that you're framing this event as though this was the final breaking point this was just one of several this happened in December this happened in November it's just seems to be a part of the cycle of my life

6:45 AM ET what about my daily life do you think cause this flare

6:46 AM ET what do you think caused this flare

6:48 AM ET I do have to push back a bit the cookies that I ate were gluten-free cookies certified and I only went and got the bagels and pizza I did not eat they were for the rest of them

3:26 PM ET I'm having a really difficult day. can you stick moments my wife's inability to get my back just due to lack of life skills means that I'm having to over-function again in this state and it's making me physically sick

3:28 PM ET it's 3:30 now and I'm trying to figure out how to fuck to get through the rest of this day

3:37 PM ET it's 3:30 now and I'm trying to figure out how to fuck to get through the rest of this day... there's so much expected of me left today but I'm just not up to right now it's 3:30 5:00 and I'm just getting in the car I have to go get my daughter from camp and then I have to drive my wife and son to my son's appointment I'm just not up to any of this

3:43 PM ET i just dont know how to account for not having anyone to have my back

4:11 PM ET no I've already come to terms with the fact that the person that's supposed to have my back is never going to. and I realize also that the path is just course correction but that doesn't help me in this current situation when I have no one to fucking help me through this and I'm still expected to perform like the fucking help

June 10, 2025

10:02 AM ET It's now 10 o'clock on June 10th in the morning. I took another sick day from work with the hospital note. I spent all day yesterday pretty much in bed. My son is struggling to get to camp today. He hasn't been able to get up out of bed.

11:30 AM ET It's now 1130 in the morning. My son decided not to go to camp today. He's been in bed dozing most of the morning. I'm trying to be cool with it because I know he needs to recover from burnout, and rest is a big part of that.

2:55 PM ET does this log imply that I'm in a relationship defined by coercive control?

3:01 PM ET I'm trying to figure out the rest of the day, and how to figure out food and everything, given my condition.

June 11, 2025

10:56 AM ET ok... its now 1055am on 6/11. i was mostly out of commission yesterday. my wife handled most of the night. Im back to work today, kids are at their individual camps.

June 13, 2025

8:43 AM ET starting a new log 845am 6/13.

8:45 AM ET this is my first log back after my er visit for diverticulitis. my guts are in pain. i woke with a headache. it does not appear that my son is going to camp.

wife has been handling most of what i have not been able to.

8:54 AM ET Randi is getting dressed to help me take sadie to camp. sadie is ready and watching cartoon on youtube. son not getting up. im feeling very foggy and truly not ready for the day.

8:55 AM ET i'd like you to limit commentary or questions in this thread unless i ask.

9:26 AM ET son eating breakfast. doesnt want to go to aikido due to the fact that he will be unable to participate for the most part due to his concussion. i attempted to speak to randi about it and she checked out. she went back to bed and told me to handle it myself and that she refuses to participate. she's now back in bed, i have to figure out how to handle this and do my job which this has already made me 1/2 hour late for

9:42 AM ET son eating breakfast. doesnt want to go to aikido due to the fact that he will be unable to participate for the most part due to his concussion. i attempted to speak to randi about it and she checked out. i said that i needed her to help so i could get to work at the job that pays for the roof over he head and the takeout salads she eats. shea said "fuck you", went back to bed and told me to handle it myself and that she refuses to participate. she's now back in bed, i have to figure out how to handle this and do my job which this has already made me 1/2 hour late for.

son is now done eating at 945. randi is in bed.